For Anything~Ali Cummings

For anything.


I know I can’t go back, but I still do. I can’t help it. It happens before I could even try to stop it, and once it does…I don’t want to.

I run up the stairs and into the church building, almost tripping on the last step on my way to the door. More stairs. I half ran, half slid down the red carpeted stairs that would eventually take me to the large room directly under the preschool classrooms above my head. I opened the door and Joe was standing at the front of the room talking. As I entered, he looked up from the paper he was holding and laughed. I figured he was laughing at the fact that I was breathing heavy and my face was probably red.
“Sit down, Ali.” He said, still giggling. I knew well enough to grab a worksheet before I sat down. I walked to the front of the class, picked up a paper, scurried over, and sort of slid into the chair beside Milly. Joe started talking as soon as I had sat down. I looked at the clock to see exactly how late I had been. Fifteen minutes. I thought to myself. Not too bad. I felt something poke me in the ribs and I looked over to see Milly leaning toward me, but still looking at Joe. I leaned over to show that I was listening.
“I need to talk to you after class.” She said quietly. I heard the rustling of papers and realized that everyone had turned to the back of the paper. I flipped my paper, and Milly followed just a few seconds later.
“Is it something with your parents?” I said, taking my eyes off Joe so that I could see her response. She nodded her head yes.

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. My cheek felt wet and I didn’t feel like moving my hand to wipe away the tear. My fan had started clicking in a steady rhythm now. The beat seeped into my head, and the last song in the world that I wanted to hear started playing inside of my mind. I prayed that the words wouldn’t start, but it was too late. The words were playing over and over again in my head before I could stop them. I go back to the loss of a real good friend, and the sixteen summers I shared with him, now “Only the Good Die Young,” stops me in my tracks. Every time I hear that song, I go back. I was openly crying at this point, burying my head in the pillow.
The phone ringing jarred me away from my thoughts, and I looked up, thankful that the words I so dreaded hearing had stopped. I grabbed the phone off of my bedside table, and put it to my ear.
“Hello?” I said, finally reaching up to wipe my cheek with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. I sat up on the bed and tucked my long legs up under me.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” I recognized Niki’s voice as soon as she started to talk. I sniffed quietly, trying to keep her from hearing it.
“Nothing.” I said. I switched the phone to my other ear and pulled my quilt over my legs. “What are you up to?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Not much” She said. I heard her sigh on the other end of the phone. “I was just wondering if you wanted to go to Tropical Smoothie with me. I’m gonna try and go this afternoon.”
I thought about this for a minute before looking over at the clock. I didn’t really feel like going out, but I thought of it as a possibility to talk with Niki about Milly. Maybe she was feeling the same as I was. I figured I had better answer her soon, before she asked if I was okay. I hated lying to Niki.
“Yeah.” I said. When do you wanna pick me up?” I asked.
“Um…will you be ready in about fifteen minutes?” She asked. I looked down at my grey sweatpants and Prince George sweatshirt. I figured I could be dressed by the time she got there.
“Yeah. That’s fine.” I answered.
“Great.” She said. “I’ll see you in about fifteen minutes then.” She said.
“See you” I smiled as I hung up the phone, and started to get dressed. I started to realize what I had around me, and that I wouldn’t trade it…for anything.