No Response~Cassy Callum

No Response


I knocked eagerly on Lisa’s door. “What is it?” She asked. Her voice sounded hoarse.
“Can you come play outside with me?” I hesitated at first, not wanting to upset her. She opened the door. I could now clearly see her cheeks, red and raw.
“I’m busy.” She said, not harshly, but not as tender as she might have.
“Are you playing piano? Can I listen?” I asked. I didn’t need to play outside to talk to her. I just needed to talk to her.
“I’d rather do this alone, Cassy.” She said, erasing any chance of my talking to her. How could I talk to her if she always wanted to be alone? I found early in life that it is very hard to have a conversation with only oneself.
“You always want to be alone.” I mumbled as I walked away. How did she continue doing it, day after day. She could cry by herself, but that was about it. How could she possibly be moving on without talking to a single person. I myself did not understand this. I was alone all the time, thanks to my older sister’s new fascination with solitude. I walked out the door, at first leaving it open. After realizing no one was coming out behind me, as was normal, I quickly shut it behind me, as if the door itself would stop all memory of the person that would, on any other day, have walked through that door.
I walked down the tall stone steps, holding onto the railing, fearing my balance not to be as good as was typical. The warm summer sun burned my cheeks and caused me to squint as I walked to the edge of the woods. I pushed away the bamboo stalks that hid the entrance to our tunnel. As I looked thought the tall stalks, it seemed as though nothing had changed. I looked behind me to make sure no one was watching as I stepped carefully into the tunnel. The dirt on the floor of the tunnel had been pressed down from the many times we had walked it. Milly, Lisa, and I were the only ones who had ever walked down the tunnel. We always called it our safe haven. It was the place we went to when mom and dad were arguing. I walked down the tunnel, stepping over fallen logs, until I came to our ‘room’, as we had called it. A fallen tree made a perfect bench, and the leaves formed a dome shaped canopy just a few inches above Lisa’s head.
Without Milly, our ‘safe haven’ was becoming more and more scary. I had nowhere to go where I could just heal. No one that I could talk to just to talk. I sat down on the fallen log. Before I knew it, I was one my knees, head bowed, hands folded.
Dear God, please help me remember all the good things, and forget all the bad things. I want to remember her. I didn’t want to cry, but something in me told me that I needed to. I don’t know what to do, but I know I won’t be able to do it alone. And I know she’s up there with you now, but can you just tell her that I miss her… I paused. I gasped and realized I’d been holding my breath. And that I love her. Another tear fell on to my tightly clasped hands. Please. My hands were shaking, now. Please.
A sudden noise in the woods made me jump to my feet, surprising myself with my own agility. I looked up to see Lisa walking toward me. I didn’t know yet whether she’d seen me crying or not. I wiped my eyes hurriedly on the back of my hand, and looked up. She brushed a willow branch out of the way.
“Cassy?” She looked at me questioningly. “Are you okay?” She asked. She looked guilty. I sniffed and wiped my eyes again.
“I’m fine. I thought you were busy.” I said. I immediately felt sorry for the accusation in my voice. “Did you finish?” I asked, slightly less harshly.
“Yeah.” She paused and looked down at her feet. “I did.” I looked at her hands. If I didn’t say something soon, she was going to rip her fingers off.
“I’m sorry I bothered you earlier. I didn’t know you wer-” She cut me off.
“No.” She looked down and swallowed. “No, you didn’t.” She looked at the leaves almost touching her head. “I wasn’t that busy.”
The awkward silence that followed was unlike anything I’d ever experienced, even with Mom and Dad after they were separated. Everyone thought I couldn’t handle the divorce, so they didn’t say anything while I was there…but I knew all to well. Dad left mom because he didn’t care about her, and he didn’t care about us. He didn’t care who he hurt. He didn’t care about anyone but himself.
I walked past Lisa, leaving her standing by herself. “I have schoolwork.” I mumbled. She grabbed my arm. I pulled away, but her grip was strong. I looked up to tell her to let go, but when I saw her face, I stopped pulling away. She looked like she was in a trance, but there were tears streaming down her face. She did not look at me.
“What were you doing when I came?” She asked quietly. I swallowed, wondering whether I should tell her the truth. I understood now why she valued her time alone.
“I was praying about Milly.” I answered. She turned and looked at me like I had just cursed.
“About…Milly?” Her features jerked as though the words caused her pain.
“Yes.” I said, suddenly feeling guilty. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you where I was going.” She shook her head firmly. She continued her questions, disregarding my apology.
“Was this the first time you’ve come out here?” She asked, her tears falling onto her brown jacket. I tried to answer, but the lump in my throat made it too difficult, and finally I just nodded.
“It’s not the same anymore.” She said. One sob escaped her lips and her shoulders shook. She covered her hand with her mouth and shook her head. Her hand pressed tighter on my shoulder, almost to the point of pain. Her arm stayed strait, preventing me from moving any closer or any farther away.
I had never seen Lisa cry. Not that I could remember. She looked so helpless. She looked so broken. It reminded me of when the police had pulled Milly’s body out of the passengers side window, broken and bloodied. Her clothes had been caked with blood and her head hung limp from the mans arms. If Lisa had not been holding me back I would’ve run to her, tried to help her. It wasn’t until later I would know that it was no use. I couldn’t have helped her even if I had tried.
She was shaking now, but not because she was crying. I felt her grip on my shoulder tighten and she collapsed onto the forest floor.
“Lisa!!!” I screamed, my throat suddenly dry. I shook her, and fear struck me like a bullet. She wasn’t moving. “Lisa, please!”
Nothing.