Somewhere in between
I walked out of the garage, my mission still incomplete. Johnny had been there the whole time and I had yet to talk to him. I found out when I got there that it was actually a costume party, but I figured I wouldn’t have dressed up if I’d known anyway. I had tried to slide into some of the conversations without being noticed, but to no avail. I wished I was back at my own church with Niki and everyone else. But I didn’t give up. If there was one thing I needed to do, this was it.
I walked over to Johnny, determined to talk to him. I sat down on the hay bale next to him. I took a deep breath, and started.
“Hey, Johnny.” He looked at me with a stare that made my mouth go dry.
“Ali.” He said with a tone that said, clear as day, that he had no intrest in talking to me.
“I just wanted to ask you something.” I paused, waiting to see if he would respond. When he said nothing, I continued. “Did you talk to Milly any before…” My voice caught in my throat. I was overwhelmed by the fact that she shouldn’t be gone. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and looked back at him.
“No.” He said, his back to me. He stood up without another word and made his way toward the garage. He never stopped to look back. Pastor Frank’s wife was walking toward me.
“Are you ready to go?” She asked sweetly, naively.
“Sure.” I said. As I’ll ever be. I thought. We walked to the car where Pastor Frank was already waiting. I climbed in the back and situated my purse beside me.
“Did you have a good time?” He asked. I didn’t want to answer the questions that would follow an honest reply.
“It was interesting.” I said, quoting one of the books I was reading. Not quite a lie. Not the whole truth. Somewhere in between.
“Oh, that’s good.” He replied. We drove for a couple minutes in silence. I reached to get my notebook just a moment before he spoke again. “Ali, I was just wondering…how did your mom get in the wheelchair?” I drew my hand back instantly. I had been had been anticipating questions like these, but they none the less caught me off guard.
“Um…she had a brain tumor..” I went into as little detail as possible, hoping he would ask nothing more about it. I could not blame him for being curious, but prying was a whole different subject.
“How long ago was that?” He asked. This part, I had no trouble sharing.
“I was six when it happened.” I decided against pulling out my notebook, knowing I would get nothing written anyway.
“Do you have any siblings?” He asked. I breathed a sigh of relief with the change of subject.
“I have two brothers.” I said. And two sisters. I thought. Had two sisters. I corrected myself, remembering how Milly and Niki had always been there for me. But Milly’s gone. I remided myself. Just let her go. I though angrily. She’s not coming back.
I looked out the window, regretting that I had not done so earlier. I had missed a perfectly good sunset. But now I was grateful for another thing. The stars. I suddenly understood the phrase Milly would say every time we parted. Until then, may the stars shine upon your face, dear sister. The stars seemed to be shining brighter today than they had in a while, and I realized that I would see her again. She was not gone. She was simply away for a while. And she was still my sister, no matter the distance. An old poem came to mind, and I whispered it quietly to the stars, a sure faith that she would hear me.
A part of you has grown in me
And so you see,
It’s you and me
Together forever and never apart
Maybe in distance
But never in heart
I blinked away the tears that clung to my eyelashes. My familiar yard came into view through the window, and I pulled my purse strap up and over my shoulder. When the car stopped, I opened the door and stood up, the strap cutting into my shoulder as I did so. “Thank you so much for the ride.” I said, turning to walk up the ramp to my house. I watched them pull out of the driveway as I dug in my pocket for my key. I grasped the shiny metal object, warm on my hands. I pushed the key into the knob and turned. My hand froze, and I took one last look at the sky, the stars almost invisible. You’re there. I thought. I just have to look.
I turned the knob and stepped into the house, shutting the door behind me.
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