God's Promises~Niki Belle

God’s Promises


I stood near enough to the open casket to see Tod’s body lying motionless inside of it. I could almost see his happy grin plastered on to his face as I watched him, but my heart broke as I remembered that I wouldn’t see that smile for a very long time. “Tod.” I moaned under my breath. “Why did you give up?” I asked, knowing no answer would come. I pried my eyes from his face, forcing myself to look the other way. But looking away would not make him come back and thinking of this only hurt more.
I tried to put all the pieces of the recent events together. The night in the woods, the tree falling. I pushed away the blame that filled my mind. I couldn’t have saved him. I almost didn’t get out of the way in t-. I stopped mid-thought. I went through every detail of that night, not wanting to be mistaken. I remembered the force he had applied to my shoulders with his arms, pushing me out of the way of the tree. He could’ve pushed me with his whole body and saved both of us. But he stayed. He knew the tree would kill him, and he didn’t want to fight it. And he didn’t want me to have time to save him. I blinked a let the tears that were clinging to my eyelashes roll down my cheeks.
Avoiding the coffin, I turned around the room, trying to decide whether to run or collapse. All around me people were swirling through the room, offering condolences to my parents and Mia. I stood off the side by myself, forgetting what was around me. My surroundings felt like snow that was swirling around, never touching my skin or giving me even the slightest reason to look closely at it. Each person was a snowflake, passing in front of me, unnoticed and unimportant.
I felt lost, but at the same time, everything was screaming inside of me where I was and what had happened. Tod was dead. And nothing would ever be the same.
Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I whirled around, startled, to see Ali standing behind me. She looked scared, broken almost. I could see the corners of her mouth moving in an effort to keep from crying, and I noticed for the second time the tears that were making their way steadily down my face.
“Niki, I’m so sorry.” She said. I heard her voice crack the instant she spoke. I felt like falling to my knees and crying like I had the night he died, but I told myself this would do nothing.
“I’ll be fine.” I choked back fresh tears. “It’ll get better.” I was more convincing myself of this than I was her. Her eyes shone with more tears and once again, my heart broke. This was a time in life when we had both lost something. More important, we had both lost someone. It did not matter who was suffering more, or how they were suffering. We were both hurt. We both needed some kind of comfort.
She spoke my thoughts aloud. “I’ll be praying for you, Niki.” She said. Her lip trembled once again and she took a deep breath. “I promise.” I bit my bottom lip, unable to think of anything to say.
“Thank you,” was all I could muster at that point. Ali nodded and turned to walk away. I looked at the floor and then back at her. I had done this a million times before, but it had never been this hard. While she was still in earshot, I called her back.
“Ali, wait.” I said. She turned back to face me, and I could see that she had finally the let the tears fall from her eyes. I sighed. “Do you think…you could pray with me now?” I asked, completely letting my guard down.
She looked torn. After a moment of thought, she nodded and stepped into her original position. She looked at the pew beside us. Instantly understanding her, I nodded and sat down on the pew. She took a seat beside me and I held out my hands for her to take. She placed her hand into mine and for at least a minute we sat in silence. I had no idea what to say. Surely, no words would heal this hurt. No words could ask for such a gift of healing. I could say nothing that would be acceptable in God’s eyes right now.
I stopped myself. After all that I had done in my life, he still viewed me as perfect. Did this change because of a tragedy. I had no words to say. But he already knew what I needed. I bit my lip and continued my silent thoughts. Finally, I knew what to say.
“Father,” I started. “I’m hurt. I don’t know what to do to make this pain stop, or go away. Right now, I’m only sure of one thing. I need you. You’ll keep me where I need to be, and you’ll help me through the times when I think I can’t go on.” My voice broke. “I know that I won’t ever be the same. But I know you’ll keep me safe, even when I forget the meaning of the word. I need you now, Dad.” I said, speaking to him as I would speak to my earthly father, but with more trust. I felt my voice crack and my I shut my eyes tightly, not trying to cover my tears. “Daddy, please don’t leave me.” I said. In my own head, I heard a firm promise. I’m here with you, Niki. Don’t be afraid. I love you, and I will never leave you. Come to me. I’ll be here. My eyes flooded with a fresh flow of tears. “Thank you, Daddy.” I prayed out loud. “Thank you for being with me.”
When I opened my eyes, Ali was still holding my hands tightly, as if they were the only things keeping her safe. She looked up, aware that I had stopped, and I saw tears rolling down her face like rain.
“Niki, how do you know it will get better? Everything is falling down around you, but you’re always so strong. How do you know?” She asked. I tried to pinpoint the exact reason I felt so surely about all these things. The fact that I would heal. The fact that there was a place I could be safe. The fact that things would get better. I stumbled across something I had said to Tod just days before.
“God keeps his promises.” I said. She nodded her head. She hugged me tightly around the neck and I held on to her like a little child.
“Yeah,” She said. “He does.”

More Than a Story: Part 5~Ali Cummings

More than a Story
Part 5

Megan.
Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!
I just want you to know that I’m really happy that I’ve known you for 3 years (in February, right?) It seems like forever!
But the real reason that I’m writing a whole note this year is because I just don’t feel like waiting until I’m 18. (Patience has never been one of my strong points, as Sara always says.) I just want you to know that I really really like you, and that maybe we could do something sometime. (Like you said, it sounds lame!) But I want you to know that. You’re really awesome, and I’m so blessed to have you as a great friend.
sam.
ps- here’s your gift in the blue paper......it took me a while to come up with it, but I’m sure it’s perfect!
Something inside of me broke again. I reread the note three times, but this time dwelling on the last two paragraphs. He had liked me. And I hated it at that moment.
I set the note in front of me and picked up the small, blue paper. It had a single piece of tape wrapped around it, holding it all together. I smiled when I saw that. Sam’s answer for everything had always been tape, of the Duct variety.
I carefully peeled the tape away and let the paper fall open a bit. I saw something glimmer as it fell out of the wrapping, and it caught my attention, because when I looked down, I gasped and picked it up. For a moment, I couldn’t believe my eyes. And then I began to believe that this was actually what Sam had gotten for me.
It was a white ring. Only it had a teeny but remarkably detailed horse on it. Mane flowing out behind it, neck bent forward slightly, it was galloping against the wind. It was pure white, and my thoughts drifted back to that cold Sunday night at the pavilion . . . "It’ll be white, cause white goes with everything, and you said that the white ones were your favorite . . ." . . . Everything made sense now. Suddenly the truth of it hit me like lightning.
He gave me a ring!!!!!!!
I suddenly let out a particularly loud squeal of delight and danced in a circle around the room. I then scooped up my cell phone and began to dial Sam’s number, telling myself that I’d call and say that I loved the gift, and that I wanted more than anything to get together sometime . . .
And then it smacked me in the face again.
Sam wasn’t going to come to the phone. Sam was dead.
The complete unfairness of it overwhelmed me. I sat down, defeated, on my bed and closed my phone.
It was the most unjust thing in the world. The one guy I had liked. It had to be him! Why couldn’t he have just lived?!
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~
The following Sunday I tried my hardest not to lose my head completely. Lindsay wanted to know what the note said, and I told her word for word, only because I had read it over and over again on the night of my birthday since I couldn’t sleep. As I told her, I fingered the glistening white ring on my finger, trying once again to keep it together.
She reacted differently than I thought she might. Instead of gushing over all the ways that it was so romantic, she gave me a hug and told me to get some sleep tonight.
"And remember, Meg! Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve!" She called to me when we were leaving.
Something hit me. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve? No, it couldn’t be. There was no way . . .
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~
But there was a way, and indeed, Tuesday morning Hannah jumped on me and rolled me by force out of bed. I wanted to yell at her for waking me up in the middle of another dream, which, I concluded, was the last place on earth that I could ever again meet up with Sam.
We opened presents. It was fun, and Hannah and Renee tried their best and more to make the day special for me. I didn’t want to ruin anything by being depressed. I felt like maybe I was finally at peace about my friend’s death. When I closed my eyes, I could even picture that beautiful face smiling like the sun its self up in Heaven, lighting up the Christmas Morning sky that I was looking out the window at right now, just for me to enjoy. A Christmas present: To me, from Sam. And this Christmas Morning, he was probably treating himself to a leisurely ride on a skateboard down golden streets. Maybe he was overseeing the building of my mansion, helping God lift the golden rays that made up the walls. I closed my eyes and smiled just thinking about it. Sure, Sam was gone, but life goes on. I just had to understand that from now . . . till the day that I die. I closed my eyes and said a prayer. A prayer that God would tell Sam that I loved him. And then I opened them again.
"Merry Christmas, Sam."

When I came to the end of the story, my eyes were swimming with tears. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to think what Tod was feeling now. I jumped when my cell phone rang beside me. I looked at the caller ID. It was Niki.
“Hey.” I said.
“Hi Ali.” She said. I could tell she had been crying.
“Niki, what’s wrong? What happened?” Her reply made me drop the phone onto my bed.
“No.” I whispered. Tod was dead.

More Than a Story: Part 4~Ali Cummings

More than a Story
Part 4

On any normal day, I would jump if the phone rang to see who it is. And I would answer it if it told me that it was a collect call straight from Ruffin Road.
But today wasn’t a normal day.
Go figure.
So when the phone rang, Hannah ran to answer it. "Hello?"
I was in my room, laying on my bed, and replaying the previous nights events. But when I heard Hannah answer the phone, I started to listen intently.
"Yes, she’s here. No . . . I don’t think she’s busy. Yes. Okay. I’ll get her."
Ah. It must be Sara or Olivia, calling for Renee. And any minute now, Hannah would be walking down the hall, past my doorway, and up to Renee’s room to hand her the phone.
But to my utter astonishment, Hannah stopped at my doorway, walked in, and handed the phone to me.
"It’s for you," She said, and then walked out the door with a sigh.
My hand containing the phone was shaking, but I managed to lift it to my ear and say weakly
"Hello?"
"Hey, Meg." A familiar voice said through the phone. I knew that voice. Sara.
"Hey." It sounded like a stupid reply. I wanted to say something else, but everything that I thought of sounded even more ridiculous than just "hey".
There was an awkward silence between us, in which both of us were no doubt trying to figure out what to say to the other. Then finally, Sara spoke, and I let out my breath.
"How are you doing?"
"Fine." I said plainly. "You?"
She sighed. "I’ll live . . . eventually."
"Need anything?" I asked.
"Not really. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I know how close you and . . ." Her voice trailed off. There was more silence. I heard nothing but the slow, steady ticking of my wall clock for a full three minutes. Sara took a deep breath. "You and Sam were."
Finally, I could stand it no longer. "Nothing will ever be the same!" I nearly shouted. "I can’t keep going on like this! I just feel empty, like a part of me has been unwillingly ripped out and I’ll never get it back! There hasn’t been a single night since Monday that I haven’t dreamt about him, and it’s all my fault!"
"What do you mean, it’s all your fault?"
"I mean, if it hadn’t been for me, Sam would never have died! He would have never been on his way back from the mall, and there wouldn’t be any ice, and there wouldn’t have been a car crash, and he would still be alive!"
There was such a silence that I thought for a moment that the whole world had stopped turning.
"Meg, none of this is your fault. He had insisted on going that day. It wasn’t his fault either, though. It was an accident, and I don’t want you to blame yourself."
This time I was silent, taking it all in.
"But if it wasn’t for me . . . if I had just stayed home from church that night in January, then I wouldn’t even be here right now . . . and he would be . . ."
"What do you mean you wouldn’t be here?"
I paused, and then finally it came out. "I was going to . . . I would have . . . killed myself that night if it hadn’t been for Sam."
There was a deathly, ghostly silence that filled the room to the brim as the horridness of my truth finally came spilling out. I had told no one of my plans to commit suicide, and now it was out.
"There is no way he would still be here if you had done that." Sara finally said.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, if he had found out that you actually killed yourself . . . on a night when he was supposed to actually see you, no less . . . he would have blamed himself. He would have blamed himself for it, and he would have told himself that he could have stopped you, or he should have seen that coming, or something like that. And if he didn’t blame himself to death . . ." Another huge pause. "He would have died of a broken heart.
"I don’t think you know just how much he loved you. When you first came down here, he came home telling of a girl who seemed really lonely and solitary. And then one Wednesday night, he came home saying that you had talked to him, Tyler, and Rachel, and that you seemed like a nice girl.
"And then it sprouted from there. He was ecstatic all VBS week, and on that last day, when Ashlee said those things about you, he flipped, and he was about ready to kill her because she had made someone as nice as you so upset. And then that’s when it started.
"Renee told me a short while after that that you had a crush on him. And, well, I told her that Sam had a crush on you. After that, we had so much fun monitoring the whole thing, and it started to become more and more obvious. She had fun tormenting you at home, and I did the same with Sam. You should have seen how red he went one afternoon when our grandfather asked if you were his girlfriend."
I closed my tearful eyes for a moment and pictured Sam, going red as a tomato. It was funny. But it was also painful.
"And then, just a week before the . . . well . . . accident, Sam came to me and said ‘I don’t know what to get Megan for her birthday. She’s going to be 14, and I’ve known her for, like, three years, and I don’t know what I should get for her.’
"So I said ‘Just figure something out that would be special to you and her, and go from there.’ So then he stood and thought for a minute, and then a huge grin swept across his face, and he said ‘I’ve got it!’ And then he ran out of my room, and I knew that something was up.
"So then I went and asked him. And he just smiled and said ‘I just have a feeling that it’s going to be the best birthday present ever!’ And then he just laughed, and I knew something was definitely up.
I laughed a bit. I could almost hear Sara smiling as she listened to my brief laugh.
"And then finally he came into my room Sunday night and handed me this note that he had wrote. He asked me if I thought it was okay, and I just smiled and said ‘I have a feeling that she’s going to love it’."
Sara sighed. I almost cried again. "I still have it."
A sudden question popped up into my mind. "Do you think that maybe . . .?"
"I’ll bring it Sunday."
"Thanks."
I was beginning to hate silence, because it once again filled the room.
"Well, I guess I’ll see you then,"
"Yeah,"
"See you, Meg!"
"Bye,"
"Oh and don’t forget," Sara said suddenly. "No matter what, none of this is your fault."
I smiled. "I know that now. Thank you."
"No, thank you!"
And as I hung up, I felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders, and I could not wait until Sunday so that I could read what this mystery note said.
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~
In fact, Sunday came all too quickly, and before I knew it, I was home from church, getting changed, Sam’s unread birthday note sitting on my bed.
It was his alright. I’d recognize that handwriting anywhere. And as I sat down in my Clarity tee and favorite blue jeans, I felt it. It was rather lumpy for a note.
I was about to open it when I realized something. This Friday was my 14th birthday. Why not save it until then?
So then I carefully picked it up, and carried it over to my desk. As if it were made of glass, I sat it down inside my desk cabinet and softly closed the doors.
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~
Wednesday was an improvement. Everyone seemed to have their heads on straight and their cools kept (including me), because it was an uneventful night.
After class, Lindsay and I walked around church and talked for a solid hour. I told her about the note, and she almost cried herself, gushing on and on about something about it being romantic.
I couldn’t help but wonder if she was right.
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~
Thursday, the 20th of December. The shortest day of my life. As I laid down to go to sleep, I felt that excitement that only my birthday could bring creeping back to me. No matter what, I was going to make it rock.
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~
I yawned and sat down on my bed. It had been a long day, full of fun and games and Olive Garden bread sticks. I sighed as I pictured the plate of steaming spaghetti again and laid back, content. I was closing my eyes sleepily when they fell on my desk cabinet.
Suddenly I was wide awake, and I sat up so fast that I felt dizzy. I got up and walked across the room. Reaching my desk, I opened the cabinet and carefully took out the note that had been nagging at the back of my mind for the past week. Sam’s note.
I opened it with the utmost care, as if I was afraid that it might shatter if my hand as much as slipped. And then it was open, and in the piece of paper holding everything together, I found another paper, folded, and a small bit of sky blue wrapping paper.
I unfolded the paper first. In it was unmistakably Sam’s handwriting. I took a deep breath and began to read it.

More Than a Story: Part 3~Ali Cummings

More than a Story
Part 3

There were sounds everywhere. Forks and spoons and knives clicking, and trash can lids lifting and being set back down again. And then there were chair noises as they were dragged across the floor when people wanted to stand and get something else to eat. But mostly talking. Happy chattering, quiet whispers, and loud shouts and exclamations all bounced off the walls of the Fellowship Hall, and were carried down the hall and into the Youth Room, where they would have found me if someone came looking for me.
As people joked and laughed with their friends, I mourned the death of mine. I sat in my chair, my eyes squeezed shut, trying to remember the happy times when I didn’t know Sam McMillen.If I hadn’t met him, I thought angrily. Then I wouldn’t be in this mess right now!And then suddenly I opened my eyes, and somewhere inside of me, something else opened too.
If I hadn’t met him . . .
If I hadn’t met Sam McMillen, I’d probably be dead right now. I would have commit suicide in January like I had planned. If I hadn’t met Sam McMillen, I’d be alone right now. (Well, I am! I thought angrily again.) But then I thought about it. I’d have been virtually alone for the past two years. If I hadn’t met Sam McMillen, I would be gone.
I couldn’t believe the truth. If I hadn’t met Sam, I would be long gone. And he might not have died. It was my fault.
Suddenly I could not take it anymore. I finally broke, and it was as if the heavens had unleashed all of it’s rain. I sobbed until no more tears came.
And then my sadness came back out as anger. I was horribly infuriated with myself. If it wasn’t for me, Sam would still be alive. He wouldn’t have been going out that day. He wouldn’t have been going to the mall that day. And as I kicked a nearby chair and sat down on the floor in frustration, my mind flashed back to Sunday Night Bible Study, last week.
We were standing out at the pavilion, and Sam was watching his breath come out in little white puffs, and laughing as they got larger and larger. And I laughed as I watched his mouth widen in his quest to blow a huge white breath and blow it into Sara’s face.
"Sooooo," He said mischievously.
"What?" I asked, still laughing as his mouth widened as far as it would go.
"It’s your birthday soon, right?"
"Yeah," I said wondering where he was going with this. "Why?"
"‘Cuz I know what I’m getting for you!"
I sighed. "Sam! You’re going to torture me about it, aren’t you?"
"Yep." He said, half laughing as he saw my frustrated expression.
"Yeah, my dad and I are going to the mall tomorrow, and then . . ."
"Sam!"
" . . . I’m going to that one store and getting that one thing . . ."
"Sam!"
" . . . And then I’ll wrap it in that one color that you like . . ."
"SAM!"
"Okay, okay!" He said with a laugh. "I won’t tell you!"
"Good!" I said, amused.
But after a few minutes of blowing his breath into Renee’s face, Sam started again.
‘I just know it’s going to be perfect!" I heard him say. "It’ll be white, cause white goes with everything, plus you said that the white ones were your favorites . . ."
"Samuel Tod McMillen, what am I going to do with you?!" I said, exasperated.
"Absolutely nothing! I like myself right where I am, thank you!" He said with a laugh.
The scene melted away. I wanted so much to have that moment back. To tell him that I liked him where he was too, and that I didn’t want him to ever leave, and that I loved him too much to let him go.And then I went numb. I had no emotion whatsoever. I wasn’t angry anymore, but I wasn’t depressed either. And I was certainly not happy! I was just numb.
Maybe it was because I didn’t know what to feel. I was still convinced that if Sam hadn’t been on his way back from the mall, then the car would never have fallen off the bridge . . . would never have rolled . . . would never have slipped . . . he would never have died.
But at the same time, I was telling myself that this was ridiculous. It couldn’t have been my fault. There was no way!
And then I went numb.
And then all the emotion came back, and it was like a smack in the face. It hit me like a wave pulling me under, ignoring the fact that I was trying to swim back to the surface . . . to peace.The whole room seemed to be fading away slowly. I felt as if I was falling. All of the emotion that surrounded me was overpowering. I couldn’t take it. My head began throbbing. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t feel.
And then there was nothing.
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~I figured out later that I had passed out. I had gotten myself so stressed and upset that I just fainted, right there on the Youth Room floor. It gave everybody a good scare, but I was alright.I wished that I wasn’t alright. I shouldn’t be alive, I told myself. Not when Sam’s dead and it’s my fault. I don’t deserve to live.
And that night as I lay in bed asleep, I dreamed that Sam was still alive, and that he and I were playing ping-pong in the Angle Room. And then the next moment I was telling him how I felt about him. And then the next he was saying the same things. And then the next, we were.I awoke thinking that the dream was reality. But as I sat up in bed, the bright lights and sounds of 5th Quarter didn’t surround me. Instead, the emptiness and darkness of my room swallowed me, and found me crying myself to sleep the next minute.
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~
The next two days filled me to the brim with a depression I never though possible for me to have.We did nothing Monday, short of school. Tuesday was our running around day, but, as I didn’t get any sleep the night before, I was left to sleep in.
And then Wednesday was the worst day of the week so far. I had to show up. I could not skip church over something so small as Sam dying. That’s what I told myself, Renee, and my mom when they all asked me if I wanted to go. Renee nearly cried when I told her. My mom was just silent, and then she said "okay".
I hadn’t thought about Wednesday night yet. I was still trying to get over Sunday. I had never considered everything that may have happened that night.
For one thing, Sara was in class that night, which told me that the slow, painful healing process had begun. She too, like me, had gotten little sleep, and was ready to cry almost every minute. But if there was one thing that I had discovered that night, it was this:
That around every corner, fitted into every minute, and found in every little thing that I did and didn’t do, I found Sam. If I played a CD, it was from an artist that he had enjoyed listening to. If I read a book, there was something about every character that I read about that reminded me of him. If I did something stupid, like pick up a pen or pencil and draw a star, I would be reminded of that Wednesday night class so long ago, when Sam had erased my perfect star with a smudgy eraser. We had never laughed so hard and so silently at the same time.
I realized with a shock that, in every thing that I did, a little bit of Sam would haunt me. His death was hung over my head, and it was all my fault. And if there was one thing that I was sure of most in the world, it was that I would never get over it.
Everything about Wednesday night was depressing. I had assumed that we would have a substitute teacher, but we didn’t. And I had never seen Sam’s dad so emotional. I figured that, like everyone else, his family would just try to suck it up and deal with it. But I was horribly wrong.Krissy barely talked. It was as if she was numb to the fact that her brother was dead. And I was unfortunate enough to witness the instant in which it finally sunk into her.
She and Hannah were playing basketball outside next to the pavilion. Everybody else was out on the front steps; I was the only one around at the back, save Hannah and Krissy.Hannah was just taking a shot at throwing the ball into the hoop, and she was steadily getting bored with the fact that Krissy wouldn’t talk to her. So she kept up the chatter, every so often pausing and waiting to see if Krissy would respond.
"I caught this newt the other day, no, it was a fence lizard, and I had trouble naming it."She paused. Krissy said nothing.
"So I went into Renee’s room to ask her, and she screamed and told me to get it away from her. Another pause. Still no response.
"So I went to my mom and she told me to ‘get that thing out of this house right now, Hannah Lynn!’."
Silence.
Somehow I knew where this story was going, but I was only half listening, twirling a blade of grass in between my fingers absentmindedly and losing myself in my own thoughts. I should be dead, not Sam. I should be dead, not Sam. I should be dead, not Sam.
"And then finally I went to Megan and said ‘What should I name this fence lizard I caught?’ and she didn’t say anything. I thought she was asleep, and so I tried to wake her up."Something about this particular story was nagging at the back of my mind. I did remember Hannah waking me up, and I had been having a dream about Sam. So then the first thing I had said was . . .
"And all she said was — "
I leapt to my feet. "Hannah, don’t! — "
". . . Sam. What kinda name is that for a fence lizard?"
As soon as the words came out, Hannah must have realized what she had just said, because she turned pale. I felt the color draining from my face as well. I couldn’t look at Krissy, but when I did, I regretted it.
At first she was still. If we had been playing musical statues, she would have been the winner. And then a small sob issued from her. For a moment, she just made that one sound. It seemed to echo inside my head, bouncing around, with no way of escaping. And then she sobbed again. And again, the noise threatened to burst it’s way out of my throbbing head.
And then finally, she broke down, and, crumpling to the ground, began crying, completely unconsolable.
Hannah stood with a look of complete shock on her face, trying to work everything out in her mind about what had just happened. And I guessed that she figured it out in a hurry, because her eyes opened wide, and she began to shake from head to toe, finally coming to the conclusion that she had said something terribly wrong.
I myself was frozen. I could not believe what was happening. It had finally sunk in, and I had been there to witness it.
I walked over slowly and knelt down. The muffled sounds of Krissy’s sobbing almost broke my heart, but I re composed myself and whispered, "It’s okay . . ."
But I knew in my heart that those were empty words. Sam was gone, and that was anything but okay. I could never live with it, but at that moment, I realized that I wasn’t in the boat alone.But they don’t have to live with the guilt that you have to, A small, creepy voice seemed to echo in my mind. I shuddered and tried to block it out. But in my mind, my own voice answered. You’re right.What was going on?

More Than a Story: Part 2~Ali Cummings

More than a Story
Part 2

It was a long week. We did not attend church on Wednesday because that had been the day of the funeral. It was very nice outside for December. The birds were singing as if they had nothing better to do. The leaves, or whatever leaves were left on the ground and on the trees, rustled with the wind’s music. A few squirrels were gathering some last-minute nuts to store up for the remainder of the winter. In the living room, a weather reporter announced that it was "a clear sky with little or no precipitation, and 70 degrees".And I sat in my room on my bed, with my arms crossed behind my head, thinking. Just thinking.I wondered what I was going to do with my day. Usually when it was this warm, Hannah would come into my room about this time and ask me if I wanted to play with her. But she hadn’t asked me that since Monday. Maybe I would play video games. Or maybe I would play Game Boy. We had gotten this new game for it with all sorts of assorted sport games on it, like football and basketball and ping-pong . . .Ping-pong. The words hit me like someone dragging their nails over a chalk board. I shut my eyes tight, trying to block out the image that threatened to overwhelm me, but it only made it clearer.Just two months ago, on the 26th of October, to be exact, at church. There was the air hockey table before my eyes, and someone was gathering the two red pucks to put them with the table. He looked up at me with the most gorgeous hazel eyes I had ever seen. I smiled, and he asked, "Do you want to play ping-pong?""Sure!" I said enthusiastically. And then we were in the room playing, keeping up a steady stream of small talk as we played. And then he hit the ball too hard, and I whacked it back, almost hitting him in the process. He laughed. I had loved making him laugh.
And then he hit it back, and it bounced off of my head. I picked it up and looked at him. He was doubling over with laughter. I, standing with Sam in the angle room, was laughing. But I, laying on my bed alone in my bedroom, was crying.
"Sam!" I moaned, burying my face in my pillow.
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
I awoke the next day to my alarm clock. I rolled over and looked at the time. It was 7:30 in the morning. I rolled to face my wall and became numb to the incessant noise of my alarm clock; numb also to the fact that I had to get out of bed and get dressed and ready for church that morning. I buried my face into my pillow and tried to block out the noise issuing form my accursed alarm clock. I thought about throwing it across the room.
And then I remembered Sam telling me once about how he had thrown his alarm clock across the room. It hadn’t broken.
I wished I hadn’t thought of that. I almost broke down and cried again, but I told myself firmly that crying won’t do me any good.
"Crying won’t change things," I said stiffly. "Crying won’t make him come back."I got out of bed and opened my closet. It was like opening a closet full of memories of Sam. But in reality, it was full of clothes that I had worn so many different times. I had worn this shirt to Busch Gardens in October. I had worn these jeans every Wednesday night for a month. I had worn this jacket when Sam had asked Sara to ask me to call him while he was in West Virginia.
I tried to rip the memories out of my mind, but it did no good. So instead, I just laid out the only dress that I owned that I hadn’t worn when Sam was around. The only problem was that it was a spaghetti strap dress, and it was 49 degrees outside. The temperature, along with my mood, had dropped intensely. I would freeze to death.
So I just threw the dress back into my closet and rummaged through it until I found my denim skirt, long sleeved blue shirt, and brown boots, all of which I hadn’t worn since last winter.And then I grabbed my Bible and walked out into the living room. Seeing an open spot, I sat down and sat my Bible on my lap, and waited.
I didn’t have to wait long. Soon the house sprang to life. Renee walked down the hall in khaki dress pants and a long sleeved green shirt. She bustled into the kitchen to get breakfast, not even noticing that I was sitting on the couch.
Hannah walked right past me, muttering to Sora, her imaginary friend. She was swinging her Bible as she past, and said a quick sorry as it hit my leg. I didn’t feel it.
And then, lastly, my mom came up. She noticed me sitting there, and came over to me. Pushing a few magazines aside, she sat down next to me and asked "How are you doing?"
"Fine," I lied.
She knew I was lying. But nevertheless, she walked into the kitchen, fixing the collar on Hannah’s dress shirt as she passed.
I bit my lip to keep from filling with tears. I was a strong person, and strong people didn’t cry. I wasn’t going to cry. I couldn’t cry. I was not going to cry!
So I didn’t. I just kept a firm hold on my lip with my teeth. In fact, I held it for the thirty minute car ride to church. And by the time I stepped into the Youth Room, it was bleeding.
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~
The smell. The familiar, welcoming smell of the Youth Room. It smelled of paint and people and the metal chairs that creaked when you tilted them the right way. Usually, I breathed in that smell as if it were oxygen.
But on this particular Sunday, it hit me and choked me. I tried to hold my breath, but I started to suffocate, so I let it out with much regret. Once again, the smell engulfed me, filling my lungs to the brim, choking me with memories of my dead friend. Tears began to well up in my eyes, but I held them back.No. I told myself. You are a strong person. You don’t cry.
So, to further distract myself, I began taking the chairs and setting them up. I started how I always did: taking one chair and sitting it on the right side of the tall, white pole in the middle of the room. And then I took three more and put them on the right side of that chair. And then I took four more and put them on the left side.
And then I started to set up the chairs for the front row, starting left to right instead of my usual right to left. Why? Because Sam had always sat on the last chair to the far right of the room. I always sat next to him.
I set up my chair and the looked longingly at the empty space next to it. It was as if the empty space in my heart of hearts had taken form right before my eyes. I thought about setting up the chair, but what good would that do? Ashlee was bound to sit in it instead.
A slow, burning rage started in me as I thought of that fact. But if I didn’t set that chair up, it would feel all too strange. And then a sudden idea hit me.
I picked up a chair and sat it at the end. It was empty, as it should be. And then I searched the cabinets for a piece of paper. By God’s Amazing Grace alone did I find one shoved into the back of the last cabinet I checked.
Smoothing it out, I grabbed a pen out of my Bible and wrote in bold, readable letters across the paper.
THE KING SAT HERE
I looked at my handiwork and frowned. It sounded like an artifact in a museum, not a monumental piece. So I erased it as best as I could (which was completely) and wrote instead:
~ A LOYAL FRIEND WAS HERE ~
It was perfect. Once again, my eyes welled up, but I forced the tears away.
And then I folded the paper and sat it carefully on the chair. And as I stepped back to view it all completely, my eyes became glued to that seat. It was too much. But I refused to cry. Instead, I sat down in my usual chair and closed my eyes, forcing every good memory out of my mind that popped up.
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~
I told no one that it was me that set that paper out on the chair. A few people asked me who had done it, and I said that it had been there. (And it had.)
But I could not fool a handful of people. My best friend Lindsay knew immediately, and as soon as class was over, she came and hugged me hard. But she said nothing. That was fine. A hug was enough. It was like she and I had exchanged a tearful conversation without words.
Renee knew it was me because she recognized my handwriting. She hugged me and just moaned "Oh, Meg!"
Sara probably would have known too, but none of the McMillens were present that day. Hannah was disappointed that Krissy couldn’t come, but soon she busied herself with her other best friend, Meredith.
That day was the day of the covered-dish luncheon. There was one at the first Sunday of every month. I cringed, but told my mom that if Hannah and Renee wanted to stay (which they did) then I would too.
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~

More Than a Story: Part 1~Ali Cummings

More than a Story
Part 1

I sat in bedroom reading one of the stories Milly had written. It was the story she had written about Tod dying. She had changed all of the names, but I knew who the characters were.

It was a day like any other. I got up in the morning at nine o’clock, and had breakfast. I got dressed into blue jeans and a red t-shirt and walked down the hall to officially start my day.My mom and Renee were talking, and Hannah was playing with her model horses. It was a normal, winter’s day, and I was content.
After grabbing two mini bagels, I went back into my room and sat down to read. I heard the TV flick to life, but I ignored it. I could have sworn I heard the reporter say "McMillen", but it had to be my imagination. I heard Renee gasp. My mom said something like, "No way!" But it wasn’t a "like, no wa-ay!" kinda "no way." It was a no way that said that something serious just happened. And stupid me, I just ignored it.
It wasn’t until later did I find out.
Mommy came into my room and looked at me sitting on my bed, still reading. When I finally looked up, she had tears in her eyes. "Megan," she began, and walked over to sit beside me on my bed.I wondered what was going on. I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I didn’t even know why.She held onto one of my hands and squeezed it. "Megan, I am about to say something that will upset you very much, but I want you to know that everything’s going to be OK," She stopped, tears springing again. She took a deep breath, and my heart jumped into my throat. "Sam died in a car accident this morning."I stopped breathing. Wherever my heart was before, it was now in shattered pieces in my feet. The world started to spin, and I began breathing again. But the moment I began to breathe, a sob caught me, and, before I knew it, I was sobbing inconsolably into my pillow, and my mom was sympathetically rubbing my back, saying things I couldn’t make out.
Sam was gone. Nothing else seemed important, not even the exciting part in my book where I had left off. Not even the other half of my second mini bagel that was sitting on my blanket next to me. Not even that it was only two weeks till my birthday, and it was supposed to be warmer than usual. Sam was dead.
And nothing else mattered.
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~
I awoke three days later with a heavy heart, heavier than it had been the last two days when I had woken up (if this was even possible). It was the day of my best friend’s funeral.I got dressed in my black peasant top that I had worn to the Shine Talent Show and my long black skirt. Shine. It seemed like decades ago, when, in reality, it had been only months ago.Suddenly my mind went astray. To when we first walked into church on the night of the Shine Talent Show. I walked in just as Sam walked out of the bathroom. He had looked at me up and down, and then said hi. Then my mind did another flashback. I was wearing a suede shirt with elbow length flowing sleeves and a long denim skirt, and my brown boots. I walked into Sunday School and instantly, everyone turned to see who it was. Sam turned and looked at me. Then he turned around again and looked a second time, and then a third. I smiled and waltzed in to take my seat next to him. And then I was standing in a bunch of bushes, with Sam in front of me. I heard him hiss "get down!" and I made myself one with the ground, just in time too, because not far ahead of us, Renee, Sara, and Olivia turned around to see if anyone was following them. And then Sam and I were sitting side by side at the Clarity Conference, listening to music. And then we were back in the KFC, listening to the African Children’s Choir, sitting so close that our legs touched. And then we were sitting in Sunday School, listening intently to our teacher. And then we were everywhere we had ever been before. And then we were somewhere we were never. We were standing in church, and he looked so much different. He smiled at me, and I couldn’t hep but smile back. I heard the pastor, my uncle, talking, and then suddenly I began speaking, and he did too. I had no idea where I was. And then I looked out into the congregation to see half of my family sitting there, and some of his. Rachel, Lindsay, Tyler, and a bunch of other people were out there too. They had gotten so old! And then I knew where I was. I was where I had wanted to be all along. At my own wedding.
A sob came from me, and then the whole scene died away. I was in my room, dressed in black, and Sam was dead.
I sat on my bed and began to cry. But then I knew what I had to do. Wiping tears out of my eyes, I gathered a pencil and a piece of paper and began writing. I wrote exactly what I was thinking, and, just as I was finished pouring out my heart out onto the paper, my mom came into my room and asked me if I was ready.
"Yes," I replied, hastily shoving the paper into my pocket. "I’m ready."
~ ** ~ * ~ * ~ ** ~
The sky was gray. There wasn’t a cloud to be seen, but, nevertheless, it was as gray outside as gray can be.
We piled into the van and then clamored out of it when we arrived. Renee gave my hand a tight squeeze as we walked over to the site. I felt tears forming in my eyes as they came to rest on the coffin. My best friend in the world was in there. Dead. But I did not cry. Not yet.As we approached, I saw someone I recognized instantly start to walk towards us. Sara.She stopped and looked at me for a moment. And then she hugged me harder than usual. There were no words between us.
When we were apart, she looked at me, and tears sprang to her eyes. "I’m so sorry Meg," She said.
"Sorry? No, no, I should be saying that to you!" I protested.
"No. I know lots of people are sorry for me, so I’m going to be sorry for you instead." She took a deep breath. "I know how much you valued him, and I wish that you could have known from him just how much he valued you. He loved you, Meg. He really, really did."
My heart broke double after she was finished. He loved you, Meg. He really, really did. I wished then more than ever that I could have him back, if only for a minute, to tell him how much I loved him. But he’d never come back. And I would just have to learn to live with it.
The funeral took what seemed to me like an eternity. When it was over, everyone began to walk away, this way and that, some stopping to talk to others. I spotted Rachel Waymack and went to talk to her. I hugged her, and for a moment, I thought she was going to cry. She seemed so strong, yet so broken, and I wanted to cry just looking at her.
As Rachel and I went our separate ways, I saw someone I had not wanted to see there. Yet there she was. Ashlee Martin was talking to Sara. I swallowed hard and walked over to them. Ashlee glanced over my way, and I saw that she was crying too. Anger almost killed me. The only reason that she was here was because she had a huge crush on Sam while he was alive. While he was alive. All the fight went out of me when I thought of that. And suddenly I finally felt as if we were equal, both there for the same reasons. It was almost a good feeling; something I hadn’t felt in three days. And that’s when I decided to do it.Slipping away from my mom and Renee, I walked up to where the coffin was, took the paper out of my pocket, turned, and, before anyone could stop me, began reading.
"I can’t tell you how much it pains me to say these things, so I guess I’ll just start from the beginning."
A couple people looked up, and I got louder.
"If you asked me to recall a favorite memory, you’d be standing here all day. All year even."
Now I had everyone’s undivided attention.
"And few know how many there really were. But even fewer know the next thing that I am going to say." I took a deep, shaky breath and continued. "Along with being the brother I never had, he and I shared something special. Like, the kind of thing that runs deeper than the friendship we had. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I was in love with Sam McMillen. And if I have ever been sure of one thing in my whole life, it’s that he felt the same way. And I think that’s going to make it all the worse when I realize that I have to let him go."
I turned around and faced the ground where my best friend would be.
"But he won’t be here." I muttered to myself. "But I’ll miss you, Sam. I’ll see you later, and . . ." I choked back a sob. "I love you."
And with that, I ran away from the crowd, and away from the site. I ran until I got to our van, and there, I sat next to it and surrendered to the tears that threatened to engulf me and swallow me whole. I hadn’t meant to run, but I couldn’t stay there. It was all too hard. I was nearly fourteen, and I had just lost my best friend.
After a while, my mom and Renee came to find me. Renee wrapped one of her arms around my shoulders, which were heaving with the tears that choked me beyond speech, and my mom sat next to me and did the same.
We sat there wordlessly for what seemed like an eternity. And then finally, my mom’s voice, just audible enough for me to hear it, came through. "Do you want to just go home?" She asked, her voice tearful as well. I sat lost in thought for a long time.
"Yes," I replied finally, marveling at how I had come to find my voice. "Yes, I do."

Last Breath~Niki Belle

Last Breath


“TOD!” I screamed. I ran to the tree and tried to push it off of him, but the weight of the wood was too much. I finally managed to roll the tree off of him the slightest bit. He was laying motionless on the ground, but I could see his chest moving. I breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t dead. I summoned all my strength and rolled the massive tree off of him, telling myself he would be dead if I didn’t.
Once the tree was completely off of him, I leaned down beside him and checked his pulse. It was coming is slow, unsteady beats. “Tod, please,” I said, dropping his arm to it’s previous position beside his body. “please wake up.” Tears filled my eyes as I said this, but I reassured myself that he wasn’t dead; not yet anyway. “please wake up.” I repeated. “I can’t lose you.” I said. “I can’t.” I brushed the hair out of his face and drew my hand back quickly. I looked at the palm of my hand to make sure I was not mistaken. My hand was covered in fresh blood. Tod’s blood. I leaned over him and I could hear his shaky breathing. I heard someone coming into the clearing and I prayed it was dad.
I looked up as Mia came into the clearing. “Wha-”I cut her off before she could ask any questions.
“Mia, go get Dad, now.” I said. I recognized a distinct tone in my voice that suggested anger, but no matter what tone I used, it made her run, which was a good thing. I leaned down over him and listened to his breathing. I could only hear a faint whistling that was almost too quiet to hear. He took one last shaking and weak breath. Then I heard nothing. He was no longer breathing. I laid my head on his chest, praying he would still have a heart beat. I placed my head right over his heart. I heard nothing. Once again I picked up his wrist, panicking, and checked his pulse. I expected to feel just a weak beat, but I felt nothing. His hand was cold and he was turning white as the blood stopped flowing. He was dead.
Mia came running into the woods with Dad on her heels. “Niki, what happened?” He asked. I was sobbing too hard to answer. I could only shake my head. He came over next to me and held me by the shoulders. “Niki, tell my what happened.” He said.
“He’s dead.” I said through my tears. It was barely understandable, but my father apparently understood. Mia came rushing over to Tod. She looked at his body and touched his arms. She drew back as though she had touched something disgusting.
“He’s cold.” She said. I could see the fear on her face, and I knew she understood. She looked over at me with tears in her eyes. “Niki,” She paused. “he’s…” I just nodded. I didn’t need to hear the rest of the sentence and she apparently didn’t need to say it. “No. He can’t be, he’s just” She stopped. She knew. He was gone. She looked back at me and collapsed into my arms. She started sobbing onto my shoulder. “He can’t be. He’s just hurt.” She looked at me. “He’s just hurt.” She said. I shook my head.
“No Mia. He’s not. He’s dead.” I immediately felt bad for saying that, but I didn’t know why. Mia was old enough to understand death, but I still wished I didn’t have to tell her. She burried her head in my neck and cried softly. I would’ve helped her if I had known how to, but right now I wasn’t even sure I would be okay.
“Why did he go?” She asked. I was asking myself the same question, but I didn’t say what I was thinking out loud.
“I don’t know, Mia.” I said. Inside my head, every part of me was screaming one thing.
Because I didn’t save him.

Learning~Ali Cummings

Learning


When I walked into the dance studio, Matt was standing by the counter. He rushed over and hugged me, kissing me on the cheek as he did. He put his arm around me and led me on to the dance floor. No one else was there yet, so he took me out in the middle and spun me around to face him. I spun easily, letting the sole of my shoe turn on the grey floor.
“Are you ready to learn a little bit more of the Swing?” He asked, smiling. I smiled and nodded quickly. He laughed.
“All right then. Just follow my lead.” We started on the basic Swing step, when all of the sudden he spun me under his arm. I continued with the beat in my head. One, two, rock step. He pulled me and I spun back under his arm until I was in position to continue the basic step. “And that’s how you do the complicated turn.” He said. I laughed.
“Is there a name for this ‘complicated turn’ of yours?” I asked. He shook his head.
“Nope.” He paused. “Well, there is, but I don’t know what it is.” He looked down and pretended to look guilty. I laughed at his acting. “Now, there is one more move I could teach you.” He paused and tried to act as though he wasn’t excited by pretending to examine his fingernails. “That is, if you think you can handle it.” He looked at me and smiled, then looked back at his hand.
“Do I smell a challenge?” I said. We both laughed.
“Depends, does it sound challenging?” Again we both laughed.
“Depends, what is it called?” I asked, mocking him. He smiled, like he was trying to keeps a secret.
“The Pretzel.” He said, still smiling evilly. I thought for a second.
“Sounds painful, but I’ll try anything once.” He smiled, and my ankle twisted for just a second.
“Okay then. Just follow my lead.” We did the basic step only once before he slung me under his arm, around his back and back in front of him. He did a complicated twist that involved him ducking under both of his own arms, then he twirled me around she that I had my arms crossed in front of me and his arm was pulled tight in front of my chest. We rocked back and he swung me to his other side. We rocked back one more time and walked in a circle. Without warning, he let go of one of my arms, flinging me out to the sied. He pulled he back to face him, putting me back in my original position.
“Well, that wasn’t so hard.” I said. In truth, it had actually been pretty fun. It was nothing like the waltz, but at the same time, twirling around with him like that made me feel quick and light on my feet. And that was a feeling I could get used to.
“I told you it wouldn’t be that much of a challenge.” He said, smiling. I let go of his left hand and spun out, falling back on my left foot in the process. I started to fall back, but before I could even try to catch myself, I felt his hand on the small of my back, pulling me back on my feet. He laughed. “Too caught up in the moment?” He said, holding me. I could not yet get my mind to focus on standing up just yet.
Suddenly I realized I was still leaning on his arm. I stepped back with the foot that wasn’t holding my weight. Once I was upright, his nose was almost touching my forehead. I could feel it coming, but I was in no way ready for it. He placed his hands awkwardly on my neck and lifted my chin with his thumb.
My mind was racing with questions. Should I kiss him? Do I want to kiss him? Of course I want to kiss him, but do I?
My thoughts must have showed in my face, because he let his hands drop to his side.
“What is it?” I asked.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He said. “I don’t want to move to fast.” He sighed. “I want you to feel safe.” I thought about this. Safe was something I had not felt with him. Carefree, perhaps, but there was always a sort of awkwardness between us. It didn’t scare me, but it wasn’t safe. I felt like I was falling, but at the same time, I knew he was there to catch me. Was that safe?
A noise from the front door turn and I realized I was still holding his hand. I liked that feeling. “Hey Sky!” He said, addressing the tall man in the doorway with familiarity.
“Hi Matt.” He said cheerfully. “Are you gonna introduce me?” He said, nodding toward me. I turned pink and I had to remind myself that it would not be acceptable to hide behind Matt. At this point, hiding behind him would be safe. I needed him as my familiarity point.
“Skylar, this is my girlfriend, Ali.” He said. I looked up just in time to see him smile as he said it. He squeezed my hand and I squeezed his back, silently transferring our message; we were okay. There was no tension.
“Well, Ali, we’re so glad you could join us. We’re just waiting for everyone to come in.” He glanced toward the front door behind him. “Tonight we’re learning the Cha-Cha.” He said, grinning broadly.
“The Cha-Cha?” I repeated, definitely considering hiding behind Matt. “Like they do on ‘Dancing With the Stars?’” I asked.
“Not as complicated, but…yes.” He said, his smiled widening.
I turned to Matt, resting my chin on his chest. “Do you know how to do the Cha-Cha?” I asked, praying he would say yes.
“We’ll learn.” I think this reply was even better than a yes.

Together Forever~Tod Belle

Together forever


When I got home from the Teen Game Night, I bolted out of the van and ran to the woods. I knew exactly what I had to do, and I wanted it done. The note had sat in my pocket the entire time, and it seemed as though it was now threatening to explode. I felt the place where the note stayed safely in my pocket. Behind my I heard Niki calling my name, but I didn’t stop. I didn’t worry about her catching up to me. She was a faster runner than me, but I had gotten a head start and I wasn’t turning to look back.
I ran through the trail in the woods that only I knew well. I was halfway down the trail when I heard Niki running after me. She was a good ways behind me, but I picked up speed none the less.
I finally got the clearing. My lungs were on fire and my legs were aching from the force of falling on them as I ran. I stooped down into the mud and pulled the heart out of the tree, ignoring the deep cuts I suffered on the tips of my fingers. The rain poured down on top of me and I took the note carefully out of my pocket, shielding it from the water droplets. This was all that mattered to me right now. That note was the last piece of Milly I had and I wanted it to be with me forever. The note I had written was a piece of me, and once I replaced the heart, the two pieces would be together forever.
When I pulled the heart away, my note was still in the tree, as dry and safe as ever. I took Milly’s note and pressed it to mine, still holding the wooden heart cutout in my hand. I heard Niki running toward the clearing and I quickly pressed the heart back into the tree, leaving no trace it had ever been removed.
Niki came into the clearing and saw me stooping on the ground in front of the tree. I said a silent thanks that it was raining so she wouldn’t see the tears rolling down my cheeks faster than I could stop them. “Tod why did you run like that?” She said. I didn’t turn around her. I clenched my teeth an effort to regain my composure, but it did no good.
“Tod, what’s wrong?” She stooped down beside me, ignoring the fact that she was putting her knees into an inch of mud and water. She put her arm around my shoulder and tried to look at my face.
I took my fist and slammed it into the truck of the tree, making her jump. “It’s not fair. She shouldn’t be gone.” I collapsed into her arms and cried. Nothing she said could help me now. The girl I loved was dead. The girl that had loved me back. I cried harder as I remembered the last line of the note.
“Tod, it’s okay. It’ll be okay.” She said, trying her best to console me.
“NO!” I yelled. “NOTHING IS OKAY! SHE’S GONE AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME WITHOUT HER!” I struggled against her, thinking of running again, but she held me like a squirming child.
“Tod, it’s gonna be fine. You’ll see. It’s okay.” She said. When I could struggle no more, I collapsed into her arms again feeling worse then I had the day of Milly’s funeral. I couldn’t go on like this. Life wasn’t worth living now that she was gone. I couldn’t go on without her. She meant to much to me.
“I loved her, Niki. What am I going to do?” I said, still sobbing uncontrollably.
“She loved you too Tod. She’s okay. Everything is going to be alright. You’ll see her again. It’ll all be okay. You’ll see her again.” She said, wrapping her arms more tightly around my shaking shoulders.
“Why did she die? Why did he take her?” I asked. “Why did he take her away?” I whispered. All the fight went out of me and I continued crying and getting soaked to the skin by rain.
“I don’t know Tod. But she’s safe now. She’s with God. She be okay, and she wouldn’t want you to worry about her.” She said. I tried to take a deep breath, but in only came in sobs. My breath refused to come any other way. Niki held tight to my shoulders, almost succeeding at keeping my still. Even on my knees I felt as though I was about to collapse. “It’s okay. You’re fine. You’ll be alright.” She said. I stayed folded into her arms. I didn’t want to go back to the car or back to my bed. My dad would only question why I had run into the woods in a rain storm without stopping to look back.
All of the sudden, I heard lightning strike dangerously close and Niki screamed. When I looked up, I saw a huge tree falling in our direction. Before I could even think, I pushed Niki out of the way. She had just enough time to fall back against a tree before the huge tree collapsed on top of me.

Special Delivery~Lisa Callum

Special Delivery


Friday was spent cleaning the house. I was lucky enough to be let out of bed for this. A chore as it was, I was just happy to be out of bed for something, even if it meant vacuuming all the rooms in the house and dusting every flat surface. The problem was not the work, but the anxiousness that accompanied all thoughts of the Teen Game Night. I had started to have doubts about giving the note to Tod. Maybe it wasn’t what Milly wanted at all. I had not consulted with her about it when she was alive, so I had no way of knowing what she would want now. Would it really affect her that much now that she was dead? It wouldn’t. So why shouldn’t I give the note to Tod. But if it didn’t make any difference to her, why should I give the note to Tod. It was all so confusing. Wouldn’t it just be easier if things stayed the way they were?
Despite all the confusion I felt in the pit of my stomach, I made myself tuck the note into my pocket on the way out to the car. It was better to have it and not need it then to need it and not have it. I told myself I would probably end up taking it home just as I had taken it there, but I kept it in my pocket just in case. It didn’t take us long to drive to the Teen Game Night, or at least it didn’t seem like it.
I stumbled out of the car and on to the sidewalk. My mom ran over to me from the other side of the car. “Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?” She offered, taking my arm. I decided against struggling.
“I’m fine, really. I don’t need anything.” I said, faking a smile. I continued up the driveway, blaming my shoes every time I stumbled. When I finally got inside the house, I noticed the Belles were already there. I spotted Tod and Niki immediately, but I couldn’t find Joe. I walked over to Niki.
“Where’s your dad?” I asked. This was not really the question I had wanted to ask, but I told myself the other question could wait.
“He just dropped us off. He’s coming back later to get us. How have you been?” She asked. I could hear the touch of concern creep into her voice as she said it and I wished I could tell her everything that had happened that week from my dad coming to the house, to the restraining order, but there was no time for that now.
“I’m fine.” I lied. “Niki, can I ask you something?” I asked. Niki was the closest person I knew to Tod. She would know how Tod really felt about Milly.
“Yeah. What’s up?” She said. She stood quietly and waited for me to ask my question.
“Well, I don’t really know how to explain this.” I said. I reached in my pocket and slipped out the note Milly had written to Tod.
“Is that from…?” She pointed to the note. I nodded.
“I found her writing that in her room when she was about twelve, a couple years after she met Tod. When she died, I went into her room and tried to find it. I finally found it in a false bottom in the drawer of her bedside table,” I smiled. “along with about thirty other notes, all addressed to him.” I said. Niki’s mouth dropped open.
“That’s unbelievable.” She said.
“Well I was thinking, now that she’s gone, maybe I should give him this one. I just think it’s what Milly would want,” I wasn’t so sure about the last part, but I forced the lump in my throat away and convinced myself that she would. “but I don’t know if it’s really what she would want.” I said, voicing my thoughts.
“Give it to him.” She said. “I’ll tell you a secret. After Milly died, Tod went up into his room and wrote this same kind of note to Milly. Then he went to a clearing in the woods and carved a heart into a tree. I’m not sure what he did with the note, but I’m sure he still has it.” She smiled. “He’d be so happy if he knew that Milly wrote a note for him too.” I nodded.
“I’ll give it to him then.” I said. “Thanks.” I turned and looked for Tod somewhere in the sea of people. When I finally found him, he was standing in the kitchen, pretty much alone. I walked over to him.
“Hey Tod.” I said. It sounded stupid, but I really couldn’t think of anything else to say. He looked up.
“Hey.” He said. I looked down at the floor, refusing to meet his gaze.
“I…um…I just wanted to give you…give you this.” I stuttered. I held out the piece of paper I was still holding tightly in my hand. The words “TOD BELLE” were written on the front of it in all capital letters. The handwriting was easily recognizable to anyone who had known her.
He took it gingerly in his hands and read the words written on the front of the folded paper. “Is this…?”
“From Milly?” I said, finishing his question. “Yes. She wrote it for you when she was about twelve years old. I thought you should have it.” I coughed. “It was addressed to you.” I stated the obvious.
He didn’t seem to be listening. He was gently unfolding the paper, as if afraid it might tear if he opened it too fast. When he finally had it unfolded all of the way, he read it to himself, ignoring any of the stupid things I might have been saying. He stood for fifteen minutes, reading and rereading the note. As I watched him, I saw his eyes move down the paper, left to right, then back to the top to read it a second, third and fourth time.
He let his arm drop, still clutching tightly to the note, and looked up at me. He had tears in his eyes and a weak smile on his face. “Thank you.” He whispered. “Thank you so much.” He walked back into the crowd, slowly folding the paper as he went.

Good News~Niki Belle

Good News


Wednesday night came in what seemed like minutes. I spent most all of my time at work and doing school work, and before I knew it, I was back at church. I was waiting in the youth room when Ali burst in with the biggest smile on her face I had seen in a long time.
“I was gonna call you and tell you, but I wanted to tell you in person. I have the most amazing news!” She said it so lightning fast, I almost couldn’t make out what she was saying. After figuring out what it was exactly that she was trying to say, I joined in on her hyperactivity.
“What?” I asked excitedly. Ali looked as though she might explode if she didn’t say something soon. “Tell me quick!” I said, easily sensing her eagerness.
She opened her mouth as though to say something, but then stopped. “What?” I asked, surprised she had become so calm all of the sudden. “Tell me what happened!” I said, now overly excited myself. She leaned over and whispered the news in my ear.
“Matt and I are dating!” She whispered excitedly into my ear. When she stepped back, I saw that her smile had grown even bigger, if that was at all possible. I squealed loudly and covered my mouth with my hand, thankful that we were the only ones in the youth room at the time.
“How did that happen?” I asked excitedly, eager to get as much information as I could. “When? Where?” She answered just as eagerly as I had asked the questions.
“He called me on Monday and he asked me if I wanted to go Starbucks for a little while, and so we did and we were talking about fairytales and he asked me and I said yes!” She said all in one breath.
“Oh my gosh! Congratulations!” I said. She was jumping up and down with her hands up covering the huge grin on her face. She threw her arms around me and hugged me tight.
“And I never would’ve met him if you hadn’t introduced us. Thank you so much, Niki.” She said, stepping back and standing in front of me. “And he’s coming to church tonight!” She said, biting her lip. I almost let myself believe that I had seen her smile widen just the slightest bit before realizing that it would be physically impossible for her mouth to stretch any further than it already was.
“I’m guessing your excited to see him.” I said, laughing.
“Is it really that obvious?” She said jokingly. “Darn, and I was trying so hard to hide it.” We stood in the youth room laughing. We didn’t care who saw us. She was happier than I had seen her in a long time, and her joy was contagious.
A few minutes later, Matt snuck in the door behind Ali and wrapped his arms around her waist. At first, she looked startled, but when she saw who it was, she relaxed right away. He moved his head so that he could kiss her on the cheek and I started gushing all over again.
“You guys are so cute together.” I said. Matt looked up and smiled. Ali smiled right along with him. The looked like the perfect couple. Matt standing there with his arms wrapped around Ali’s waist and Ali turning pink just from smiling.
Matt came around to stand beside Ali and Nichole and Joseph walked in. After that, Jenna, Alex, and James came in. Finally Becca came in right behind Joe. Joe asked for everyone to sit down and Ali took her seat beside me, Matt beside her. I couldn’t focus on the class much and I kind of figured the same went for Ali, as I often caught her staring of into space with a smile on her face. Only one thought came to mind as I watched them.
He had better not hurt her.

Happy Endings~Ali Cumminigs

Happy Endings


We pulled into the Starbucks parking lot around noon and Matt parked the truck in an empty parking space near the entrance. After getting out on his side of the truck, he came over and helped me step down from the running board on my side of the truck. When we walked into the Starbucks, it was almost deserted. There was only one couple sitting in a corner booth talking. Other than that, the place was empty.
We walked up the counter and Matt gestured towards the menu board. “Anything you want, my treat.” He said. I looked at him, almost shocked.
“Matt, you don’t have to pay for mine. I have money.” I said. He stopped studying the menu board for a second and looked down at me.
“I insist.” He said. He said it in a way that told me the matter was settled, but it wasn’t a harsh tone. I looked back at the menu board to try and find something that I might find appetizing. My eye stopped on one of their drinks with a lot of chocolate and whipped cream.
“I think I’m going to try that.” I said, pointing at the drink and trying to act casual. Truthfully, I had never been to Starbucks in my life, but I did occasionally go to different coffee shops journal and write and things like that. I had had coffee before, so I knew I liked it. Unless of course it was black. Then I absolutely detested it. This coffee, however, was anything but black with all of the flavors and creams they put into it.
The young girl at the counter took our order and told us that if we wanted to sit down, she would bring our drinks to the table. We took our seat at the corner table opposite from the other couple in the coffee house, which we made sure had plenty of windows. I didn’t like being in new situations without being able to see something familiar. Seeing as I knew this area well, I relied on it as my familiarity point.
“So, have you been practicing for the dance class?” He asked nonchalantly, pulling my focus away from the window and back to him.
“Yes, I have. My favorite’s the Waltz but the Swing comes in a close second.” I said. I was basically rambling. I needed something to keep my hands busy so my mouth wouldn’t run at a hundred miles on hour. Luckily, Matt broke in just in time.
“That makes two of us.” He paused and opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then stopped.
“What?” I asked. He wasn’t willing to tell me at first, but I broke him down.
“No.” He said. “You’ll think it’s stupid.” He said. “It’s really girly.”
“I won’t think it’s stupid. Come on, tell me.” I pleaded.
“Fine.” He said. “The reason I like the Waltz is because it makes me feel like royalty.” He sighed and turned his head to look out the window. “I told you it was girly.” He said.
“It’s not girly.” I said. “It’s fairy-tailish, and prince like, and romantic.” I said. I turned bright red for about the fourth time that day. I hadn’t meant to say the last part. It seemed like the filter from my brain to my mouth that kept me from saying dumb stuff was broken. Matt had broken it.
My thoughts were interrupted when the girl at the counter brought our drinks out to us. After we thanked her and she walked back to the counter, we kept talking.
“So, what do you think of fairy tales?” I asked, trying to be as calm and collected as he was a failing miserably. He sipped some of his drink.
“I think they can come true, but not as easily as the books and the movies make it look.” I nodded. The boy made a good point.
“What do you think of them?” He said. “I’ve always wondered what girls see in fairy tales that guys don’t. I don’t really see what they find fascinating. It all seems very plain to me. Girl is in trouble. Girl meets Boy. Boy gets her out of trouble. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and Girl live happily ever after. It’s not much, yet girls will spend the majority of their time on these things. What is it about them. Please, enlighten me.” I thought for a moment.
“I think it’s probably the happily ever after part.” I said. “You don’t see that a lot of times anymore in real life. You don’t get a lot of happily afters. They’ve been replaced with divorce and all kinds of stuff like that. It sucks, but it’s life.” I hung my head, thinking of all the marriages I knew that hadn’t worked out when the going got tough. Too many families popped into my head for it to be anywhere near a pleasant thought. Matt noticed right away.
“What’s wrong?” I was amazed at how he could go so easily from pretending not to care to being sincere and empathetic.
“Nothing.” I said. “It’s nothing you need to worry about.” I said. He saw right through me.
“Is it something that I shouldn’t worry about or is it something that you don’t want me to worry about?” He asked.
“It’s something you shouldn’t have to worry about.” I countered. He smiled and looked out the window.
“Oh, well at least I know now.” He said, as though the conversation had been a competition that he had just won. “That’s what makes girls so crazy about fairytales.” He looked back at me. “Speaking of fairytales…” He sighed and looked into my eyes. “Ali, will you be my girlfriend?” He asked. The question that had been planted in my mind the moment I met him sprang forth to the very front of my brain. Did I love him? I answered both questions aloud, Matthew’s and my own, with one word.
“Yes.”

Too Late~Lisa Callum

Too Late


I sat in my room most of the day Saturday looking at old pictures. People had always said she looked like me. I could see it now too. Except for her eyes, there was not one difference in our features. I flipped to a picture of her standing in the kitchen. It looked like she was holding a rolled up newspaper, but I couldn’t tell. I didn’t remember when that picture had been taken. The next one I recognized. It was a picture of Milly and I holding spoons on our noses. We had been in a pancake house during my “dork stage” as Milly had so happily called it. I was reluctant even to look at the thick glasses over my eyes and the brightly colored braces on my teeth. I closed the photo album and threw it to the side just as I heard the door open and looked up to see my mom in the doorway.
“I have good news, Lisa.” She said cheerily. I hoped this was a genuine smile. I couldn’t tell anymore with her.
“What?” I said. I tried my best to hide the photo album under the covers so she wouldn’t know what I had been doing. I didn’t know why I didn’t like people to know what I was doing, but it was just something that made me who I was.
“They’re having the Teen Game Night early this month. With all of the holidays coming up, they don’t want to mess up anyone’s schedule, so they’re having it this Friday.” She said. I smiled.
“This Friday? Are you sure?” I asked. She looked up from the laundry basket she was sorting through and nodded.
“Are you excited? You’ll get to see Niki. You haven’t talked to her in a while.” I reached down the floor and felt the outside pocket of my purse where I had put the note for safe keeping. I felt the thick square where the folded piece of paper lay, holding so much information in only a few sentences.
“Yeah.” I said. “I can’t wait.” I watched her sort through the clothes, fold them neatly and put them into my drawers. “Mom, you don’t have to do that. I can do it if you want me to.” My mom was not one to give up her pride easily.
“No, that’s fine. You just rest. I can handle it. It’s not that much.” It sounded as though she was talking to herself more than me. It almost sounded like she was reassuring herself. I felt sorry for her, but she wouldn’t let me help her. There was nothing I could do.
When she finished putting the clothes away, she turned to face me, still holding the laundry basket on her hip. “Do you want me to make you any lunch or anything?” She asked. She looked overworked as it was, and I didn’t want to burden her anymore.
“I’m fine.” I said. “If I get hungry, I can heat up something in the microwave.” She looked at me skeptically. “Go mom. I’ll be fine.” I said.
“Okay.” She agreed. “But if you need anything, just call me. I’ll be right down the hall, okay?” She said. I smiled.
“I will.” I watched her leave and shut the door behind her before I leaned over and reread Milly’s not to Tod. I was debating whether or not the give the note to Tod. What if it wasn’t what Milly wanted? I had no way of knowing what Milly wanted now. It was too late. I was immediately filled with regret. I hadn’t thought about what I had done when Milly was alive. There had been so many times when she had tried to help me, and I had turned to someone else. I didn’t listen to her, didn’t trust her, but she was always there for me, even when no one else was.
I hung my head, questioning how I could’ve possibly treated her like that after all she had tried to do. Why had I blocked her out? I knew I could trust her. I built wall after wall and every single one, she had tried her best to climb over. Finally I had built the wall too high. But even then, she had waited just outside, always waiting for me. And now, when I finally figured out that I needed her, she was gone. It was too late. I had waited too long to let her in, and now she wasn’t there to let in. But I knew what to do. I wouldn’t make the same mistake with Cassy. I saw now that she tried to understand. Everything I told her, she tried her best to understand. But if I felt like it wasn’t good enough, I blocked her out. But not anymore. I wouldn’t wait until it was too late again.

Romeo, Take Me~Ali Cummings

Romeo, Take Me


It was Monday morning when I hear the phone ring from the other room and ran to answer it. I picked it up and put it to my ear, ignoring the fact that we had caller ID.
“Hello?” I said, brushing a stray piece of hair out of my face from where I had run to get the phone. I smiled when I heard the voice on the other end of the phone.
“Hi, is this Ali?” He said.
“Speaking.” I said simply. I was lucky he couldn’t see me or he would’ve seen how red I was turning.
“Well, in that case, how are you, Cinderella?” He said. I heard him giggle of the other end of the phone.
“I’m doing very well, Prince Charming.” I said. I turned bright pink. I had not meant to say that out loud. He laughed on the other end of the phone.
“Charming? I’ll take that as a complement.” He said.
“Well, you should. You are charming.” I slapped my hand over my mouth. What was it about him that made me so crazy? Either I was gushing over him or I was blushing because of him. I couldn’t be around him without feeling like I really was Cinderella, twirling around like a princess at a ball. But really I was just a normal girl who couldn’t for the life her figure out why the prince had chosen her. His quiet laugh brought me back to reality.
“Well, thank you.” He said. “And I can’t think of one girl who fit’s the description of a princess like you do.” I blushed. I took the phone to my room and sat down on the bed.
“I’m not a princess.” I said shyly. “And I don’t deserve a prince.” I said.
“Well then how about me instead? What do you think of that?” He asked. I didn’t even hesitate to answer him.
“I’m definitely not complaining.” I said. He laughed on the other end of the phone, and I gave into the desire to laugh with him.
“Well that’s good.” He said. “I actually called to ask you a question.” He said. I noticed the same shyness in his voice that had been present in mine just seconds before.
“And what would that be?” I asked. I really had not the slightest idea what the question might be.
“Do you want to meet somewhere?” He asked. I was surprised by the question. I didn’t know where he lived, nor did he know my address. I couldn’t drive and there was nowhere I could think to go that wouldn’t be like a date. Then it clicked. Was he asking me out on a date?
“Where would we meet?” I asked, afraid to jump to conclusions. If he wasn’t asking me out on a date, I would feel completely stupid for suggesting it if I said anything.
“I was thinking we could just go to Starbucks or something. You know, get some coffee, hang out.” I started to think about it. It would be easy to get my mom to agree to the idea, and it might be fun to get to know him a little better. He interrupted my thoughts.
“We could just go as two friends hanging out at a coffee house. What do you say?” He said. I made up my mind quickly.
“I’d like that. Just let me ask my mom.” I set the phone down on my pillow and headed down the hall to my mom’s bedroom. When I got there, she was sitting in her wheelchair, watching television. “Mom,” I started. “Could I go out for a little while with a friend?” She looked over at me and got a serious look on her face. She was in one of her moods.
“Who with?” She said. “Where are you going and how long will you be gone?” I would be lucky if these were the only questions I had to answer.
“I’m going to Starbucks with a friend from church, and we’ll only be gone until about four o’ clock.” I said, hoping that would suffice. She thought carefully about it, or at least looked as though she was doing so.
“Okay, you can go, but don’t be home a minute after four.” She said. I smiled and ran back through the house to tell Matthew.
“Thank you.” I shouted over my shoulder as I left her room. I heard her mumble something about teenagers being social butterflies, but I paid no attention. When I got back to my room, I picked up the phone off the pillow and put it to my ear.
“My mom says I can go, but I need a ride.” I said.
“I can pick you up. I just need your address.” He said. After giving him directions, which I somehow could remember now, I hung up the phone and went to pick out an outfit.
I soon found, as I picked through the clothes in my closet that anything I chose looked gray and dull compared to my memories of his sparkling eyes. Finally telling myself that I had to choose something or risk going in my undershirt I picked my favorite of all my choices. It was a long sleeve top with a square neckline and a deep violet floral design on it. I pulled out my favorite pair of jeans and slipped them on easily, noticing I had lost weight in the past few weeks. And a significant amount of weight at that. I shrugged it off and promised myself I would have a healthy-sized meal as soon as I got home from my outing with Matthew.
As I slipped on the top I had chosen over my head, I saw Matthew pull into the driveway. I realized how close he must’ve lived for him to have gotten here that fast. I grabbed my purse and headed out the door, locking the front door behind me. While I was turned around locking the door, I felt a small jerk on a back piece of my hair. I twirled around to see Matthew standing behind me, car keys in hand. I smiled.
“Hi Matthew.” I said.
“You can call me Matt.” He said, taking my hand in his and leading me down the ramp. He helped me into the passengers side of his truck and then hoisted himself into the drivers seat. He turned around in his seat and started to back out of the drive way, while I buckled my seatbelt. When he had backed out of the driveway and on to the street, he put the truck in drive and turned on the radio. I listened the song that was playing and started singing along softly.
“Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone…”

For Now~Milly Callum

For Now


I looked down into the box and smiled. My sister was safe. I sat the box down on my bedside table and ran down the stairs. When I got out of the door, I tried, for the first time, to fly. As soon as I lifted off the ground, I felt a wonderful sensation that only floating on air can bring. I looked down and was amazed to see the ground slipping further and further away from me. I could hear my wings beating, but they were not at all hard to move, as I had expected.
I got to the throne of God in a much shorter time then I usually did, but I still preferred the slow, comfortable walk over the sensation of flying. It was like comparing swimming, to walking. No comparison could be made. You would want to walk some places and swim others. But I still enjoyed the feel of warm sand on my feet when I landed.
I ran to God and threw my arms around his neck. “Thank you.” I said. “I know you’ll keep them safe.” He ran his hand over my hair in a comforting way.
“Yes, they will be safe. I will be with them.” He said, stroking my back as I held onto his shoulders. “I have never left their side.”
I held him tighter. I could almost feel him holding me together like glue; like everything I had every wanted, and everything I had ever needed, but nothing I hadn’t.
“Good times are coming and bad times are coming and through it all I will be with them.” I pulled away from him until I could see his face.
“What do you mean ‘bad times’?” I asked. I didn’t understand what he meant, but I knew he wouldn’t be telling me unless it was important.
“There is suffering on earth between your friends. You know this. They are sad because they think that they have lost you. I am with them, but if they do not trust in me, I can do nothing.” He said. I was almost to the point of tears. I could not imagine my friends suffering more than they already had.
“Haven’t they suffered enough because of me?” I asked. “Can’t you help them?” It felt strange to be questioning what God was saying, but he stayed calm.
“I’ve told you, if they do not trust me, I can do nothing.” I didn’t believe what I was hearing, even given the lips the words were coming from.
“But they have the strongest faith of anyone I know. How could they not trust you?” I asked.
“Sometimes in the hardest of times, their human faith is not enough.” He explained. “You can remember those times, I’m sure. The times when you wanted to desperately to trust in me, but couldn’t find the strength to even trust in yourself.” I nodded and tilted my head down. I knew exactly what he meant. I had spent about three years of my life like that. I couldn’t trust anyone, including myself, so I hid from everyone. That was when I had first come to the church. I hadn’t known anyone. For about two years, all I did was hide in the shadows convinced I didn’t need anyone but my sisters and my God. He had always come through for me before and I didn’t see any reason he would let me down now.
But I prayed. I begged. I pleaded with Him to do something, anything. Nothing seemed to get better. My dad got more and more violent. Lisa turned into someone I could hardly recognize anymore. My mom experienced fear I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, ever. Then I met Tod. I remembered the night I realized that he was one of the people I needed in my life. I went home that night feeling like I could do anything. But my family was having a rough week and I started sink right back into what I had lived with for the past three years. Then I saw Tod again on Wednesday night, and it happened all over again. It was like nothing had changed between us. My life had some ups and some downs, and I went from on top of the world to rock bottom and back again. The low points taught me lessons, and the high points kept me sane. All because of Tod Belle. It was then that I asked a question I hadn’t really given much thought to.
“Why did you send me Tod?” I asked. “I didn’t deserve someone like him. I didn’t deserve him.” I looked up so that I could see his expression. It was caring and almost sympathetic.
“Because you needed him.” He said simply. “He was the only thing that kept your faith,” He paused. “And your life.” I thought about this claim.
“But don’t you hold my life in the palm of your hand. How could Tod have kept it?” I asked, confused.
“I hold your eternal life. Tod kept your from going through with what you’d planned that January.” I didn’t need any explanation of that. I remembered that January. I had been so scared. I had given up hope, and I was about to give up my life. But things changed when I met Tod, that was for certain. He had changed my life for the better every day I saw him. He had taken me from where I was in January to my last night with him. I took just a moment to remember that night.

It was a Wednesday night and we were late, as usual. When I got into the youth room, Tod was already there waiting for me.
“Hey Milly!” He said excitedly as I entered the youth room. “Wanna play some ping-pong?” He asked, already handing me the paddle.
“Sure.” I said, taking the paddle in my hand. We walked over to the ping-pong table where Ali and Niki were already standing, talking about\a book or something. He hit the ping-pong ball first and I hit it back. We kept up a steady stream of conversation as we played.
“So, are you going to the Williams’ house Saturday for the movie night?” He asked, hitting the ball at an angle where it nearly hit me in the head. I blocked it with my paddle.
“Yeah, are you?” I asked. I hit the ball and it bounced off of the table. Tod bent over to pick it up and continued the game.
“Yep. I heard we’re watching “The Princess Bride.” That’s such a girly movie. There aren’t any exploding cars.” He said, laughing and managing to hit the ball so that it smacked me on the head. “DOUBLE POINTS!” He yelled loudly, picking up the ball from where it had landed. I laughed with him.

The scene faded and I realized that I was once again standing in front of God, and Tod was nowhere near me. He was back on earth with the rest of my friends. I suddenly remembered what God had said about them.
“Is there any way I can stop their suffering?” I asked. “Is their anything I can do to help them?”
“It is not what you can do now, but what you did then.” He said. “Do you believe the love you gave them on earth will be enough until you see them again?” He asked. It was a simple question, but I couldn’t formulate an answer. It was then that I realized what he wanted me to say.
“It’s not the love I gave them that they need right now. It’s the love I keep giving them.” He smiled.
“That is true on earth, but not here. Once you are here, the love you gave them is all they have from you. You can give them nothing more than what you already have. Do you understand?” I understood. The love I gave them would have to be enough. For now.

Rest~Lisa Callum

Rest


I spent the rest of the day just laying in my bed. I didn’t even have the strength to play the piano anymore. I was jaded. I was just too exhausted to do anything. Cassy stayed in my room and talked to me for a little while before I drifted to sleep.
The first think I remember when I woke up was my mom sitting beside my bed crying. I looked up at her, but she didn’t face me.
“Mom, what’s wrong? What happened?” I asked, trying to hide the roughness that remained in my voice. She looked over at me.
“I’m so sorry, Lisa. I didn’t know he was going to hurt you. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I should’ve stood up to him when he came in the house.” I was shocked.
“You didn’t invite him?” I asked. She shook her head and looked down at the floor.
“Lisa, I should’ve stopped him. I didn’t want him to get anywhere near you. I just-” She stopped and a sob made her shoulders shake. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to comfort her.
“No. None of this is your fault. There was no way you could’ve known what he’d do.” She shook her head.
“But I did, Lisa. I didn’t have to know exactly he’d do. I know him.” She protested. “I should have stopped him.” She sat silent for the longest time. Finally she spoke. “I know how he hurt you, Lisa.” I turned to look at her, shocked. Tears were steadily filling my eyes.
“How?” I whispered. If I had been close to fainting any time before now, I would surely collapse now. But I steadied myself. I needed to know.
“I knew he was sneaking out of the bed at night and going to your room. Then the morning after, you always had this terrified look on your face.” She took a shaky breath. “It killed me inside, but…but I was scared. I didn’t know what I could do to help you.” She put her face in her hands so that when she spoke, it was barely audible, even though I was sitting right next to her. “You were so young.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to burden her any more by telling her how much he’d hurt me. But I didn’t know just how long I could keep it inside either.
“He hurt me so bad. I didn’t want to grow up that fast. I didn’t want it.” I said, letting myself fall into her comforting arms.
“Oh Lisa,” She said. “You don’t have to be scared anymore. He can’t touch you.” I pulled away.
“What do you mean? He can come in here any time he wants. You saw that today.” I said.
“Lisa, I’m getting a restraining order.” She said it so matter-of-factly that it scared me. She sounded serious, and she wasn’t one to joke at a time like this.
“You are?” I asked. She nodded.
“I don’t want him anywhere near us, Lisa. This way, he won’t be. We won’t have to worry about him anymore.” I tried to imagine a world where I wouldn’t have to be afraid of my own father. I threw my arms around my mother’s neck.
“Thank you.” I whispered in her ear. She patted me on the back and we just sat the for the longest time, me in her arms and her holding me tightly and letting me forget everything about my past. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I had hope for the future.

At Peace~Niki Belle

At Peace


I came down the stairs and into the living room, looking for Tod. He hadn’t been in his room when I went to look for him and he wasn’t anywhere upstairs for that matter.
“Tod?” I yelled through the house. I didn’t hear any response or any movement. No one else was in the house, or I would’ve asked them where he was. I looked on the coffee table for a note he could’ve left or anything really that would’ve helped me figure out where he was.
Finally, I came to the back door. It was open a crack, but it hadn’t been that way earlier today. I smiled. So that’s what the conversation in my room the other day had been about. He was trying to decide to go on with his project or not. He had chosen to go through with it.
“Glad I could help.” I whispered at the door.
I sat down on the couch and started reading one of my old Brio magazines. I came to an article about a girl that was grieving because of the recent death of her sister. I closed the magazine, unable to read any more. I couldn’t explain how, but the words hurt me. I looked out the door to see Tod walking toward the house smiling, and I put the magazine on the table in front of me.
When I tried to think of why I had been looking for him in the first place, I couldn’t remember what I wanted to tell him, if anything. When he finally walked through the door, I could only think of one thing to do. I ran over to him and gave him a huge hug. I had expected to feel him pull away, but instead I felt him hug me back. It was nice, but I was confused. He usually didn’t like hugs.
“What are you so happy about?” He asked when I finally let him go. My only response was to hug him again. This time, he did pull away.
“Gosh, enough hugs already!” He said. He was smiling.
“Fine,” I said. “Keep pretending you don’t like them.” I smiled. He shook his head and continued past me and up the stairs. When he was out of sight, I sat down on the couch and started praying out loud.
“Thank you God, for helping Tod find peace about Milly’s death, and for helping me stay strong through all of this.” I paused. “And thank you for hugs” I said.

Secret Heart

Secret Heart


I looked back over my shoulder just to make sure no one was following me. This was the first time I had gone to the tree ever since Dad caught me sneaking out on Monday. This time I was much more confident. It was one o’ clock in the afternoon. He couldn’t punish me for going out at one o’ clock in the afternoon, but I still didn’t want him knowing about it. After seeing the way he’d acted when I told him about my project, I would be reluctant to tell him anything.
When I was finally in the clearing, I looked back one more time and was relieved to see that I was the only one standing in the woods for as far as I could see. I knew Milly was here, of course, but other than that, there was no one. I knelt down beside the tree. This was it. I was going to do this one little thing, and I was never going to change a thing. It would be our little secret, Milly’s and mine. To everyone else, it would just look like a heart carved in a tree. They would never know what was hidden beneath the layer of bark and wood.
I took out my pocket knife and pried the shape out of the tree. I reached into my pocket and slowly pulled out the perfectly folded note that I had written. I tucked it into the indent in the tree and replaced the heart shaped piece. I stood up and surveyed my work. I smiled. It was perfect. No one would ever suspect there was a note behind the perfectly carved heart. I sat back against a tree opposite the one I had carved and let myself drift back to one last memory.

We were standing out at the pavilion, and I was watching my breath come out in little white puffs, and laughing as they got larger and larger. Milly laughed as she watched my mouth widen in my quest to blow a huge white breath and blow it into Niki's face.
"Sooooo," I said mischievously.
"What?" She asked, still laughing as my mouth widened as far as it would go.
"It’s your birthday soon, right?"
"Yeah," She said wondering where I was going with this. "Why?"
"‘Cuz I know what I’m getting for you!"
She sighed. "Tod! You’re going to torture me about it, aren’t you?"
"Yep." Yep said, half laughing as I saw her frustrated expression.
"Yeah, my dad and I are going to the mall tomorrow, and then . . ."
"Tod!"
" . . . I’m going to that one store and getting that one thing . . ."
"Tod!"
" . . . And then I’ll wrap it in that one color that you like . . ."
"TOD!"
"Okay, okay!" I said with a laugh. "I won’t tell you!"
"Good!" She said, amused.
But after a few minutes of blowing my breath into Lisa’s face, I started again.
‘I just know it’s going to be perfect!" I said. "It’ll be white, cause white goes with everything, plus you said that the white ones were your favorites . . ."
"Tod Jeremy Belle, what am I going to do with you?!" She said, exasperated.
"Absolutely nothing! I like myself right where I am, thank you!" I said with a laugh.

That had been only a few weeks before her fourteenth birthday. I had given her a ring with a white horse on it. The day after her birthday, I had seen her wearing the ring. I though back, trying to remember even once when I had seen her without the ring on. I couldn’t think of a single time. I wondered if she had worn the ring because I was the one that gave it to her, or just because she liked the ring. I sighed. There was no use in torturing myself about it.
My attention turned back to the heart I had carved in the tree what now seemed like ages ago. I smiled as a thought came to my mind. This heart would never break.