Angel's Song~Niki Belle

Angel’s Song


I woke up the next day in a complete fog. I couldn’t recall exactly what had happened. But when I glanced over at the wall, the events of yesterday hit me. The door was open and I could see the room across the hall. I could see what used to be Tod’s room. A thought struck me, and for about half a second, I considered it. Then I shook my head firmly. I couldn’t go in his room. It was too soon to revisit those memories. None of my family had been in Tod’s room since his death.
In any case, I would have enough pain and memories today. It was the day of Todd’s funeral.
A look at the clock on my bedside table told me that the funeral would happen in a little less than two hours. I wanted so badly to turn back over in my bed and cry myself back to sleep, but I made myself lift myself over the side of the mattress and stand shakily. I trudged to my closet, not knowing if I would have the strength to get dressed, much less actually attend the funeral. I dressed in a haze, without actually knowing what I was doing. All I know was that I chose a black dress that I hadn’t worn in a couple months.
When I came downstairs, Dad was sitting on the couch flipping channels like he had been the day he yelled at Tod. The only difference was that when I came down, he said nothing. He seemed to be in the same trance-like state that I was. The entire house was silent, and no one seemed to mind. I sat down at the kitchen table, trying to brace myself for the event that was to come.
Mia was sitting across from me looking like an absolute statue. She had taken the time to straiten her hair, but a burn on the side of her ear told me that she hadn’t been much on focusing. I was beginning to think that no one in the house was, and with good reason. It was easier not to think of anything than to be flooded with thoughts of Tod.
For the first time in days, I thought of Milly. This thought cheered me up almost enough to bring a smiled to my face. Tod and Milly would finally see each other again. I could imagine them running towards each other on the white clouds of heaven. I had imagined the same scene happening so many times on earth, it seemed almost like memory, as if it had already happened and not just the imagination of an 18 year old girl with a dead brother.
I was jolted away from my thoughts as I realized that the radio had come on. My head whirled around to see what had caused it to suddenly break the silence like glass, but no one was standing anywhere near the radio and I was the only one that seemed to notice it playing.
But what intrigued me was the fact that I didn’t recognize the song that was playing, but as the bright LED display clearly displayed, the station was one I listened to often. I listened intently to the lyrics.

What I’m feelin’,
Time is gonna heal it
I been hearin’ that for so long now
They say I’ll move on
Got to try and be strong
Life will go on; I’ll get though this somehow
Oh, but how, when I’m still waiting,
For you to come back,
If you could only come back,
I’m aching for you to walk through that door
Hold me once more
But you won’t, still I go on waiting
It was a Sunday
We buried you in the rain
I never knew pain till that first night alone
Opened you closet, breathed you in
I lost it, the truth of it, baby, finally hit home
No, you’re not comin’ home,
But I’m still waiting,
For you to come back,
If you could only come back,
I’m aching for you to walk through that door
Hold me once more
But you won’t, still I go on waiting
Wish you could talk to me somehow
Tell me what do I do now
I’m still waiting,
I’m aching for you to walk through that door
Hold me once more
But you won’t,
Yeah, I know
That you won’t,
still I go on waiting

By the time the music faded, I was in such a fit of tears, I had trouble believing I would ever stop. The words in the song had described my situation so perfectly.
Suddenly I was hit with the same idea I had had that morning when I woke up. I made up my mind that this was something I had to do before the funeral started. I looked at the radio to see what time it was and was shocked to see that it was once again off. “Must’ve been one of God’s angels.” I thought to myself.
I jumped from my chair and walked across the living room and started up the stairs slowly. I reached the top of the steps in what seemed like no time at all. It was certainly not enough time to prepare myself for what I was about to do. Then again, no amount of time could’ve prepared me for this. I turned to face the open door and stepped into Tod’s room.