Faith~Tod Belle

Faith


“Niki,” I opened the door to her room, unannounced and stepped into the room. I had no time for permission. “Do you think Milly can hear us?” I asked. I had been sitting in my bedroom ten minutes getting up the nerve to ask my sister this sort of question. She looked up, confused by my straightforwardness.
“I don’t know.” She said. “Why do you ask?” I swallowed. I hadn’t planned for questions.
“I don’t know, I guess I just was curious.” I said. She didn’t give up as easily as I had thought she would. She never did. I should’ve learned by now.
“You’re never just curious.” She said. “What’s in that big empty head of yours?” She laughed.
“If you weren’t my sister, I would take that offensively.” I said. I laughed along with her.
“Well then,” She said. “It’s a good thing I’m your sister, huh?” Her laughing died down. “So what’s up?” She was once again serious. I sighed. She was going to think I was crazy.
“I…talk to her,” I said. “and I just want to know if she hears me, or” I stopped. “Or if I’m just wasting my time.” I said. She sighed.
“Tod, nothing you do for her is a waste of time. You shouldn’t let dad get to you. He didn’t mean what he said. He was just-”
“What if he’s right?” I snapped. “What if I’m just wasting my life on a dead girl that can’t see or hear anything I’m doing?” I was more mad than depressed, but the tears came anyway. “What if I waste my life caring about her and then I never see her again?” I swallowed. “What if she doesn’t even care?” I said.
The last sentence had come out of my mouth completely unplanned, but it made me think. What if she really didn’t care? What if she was looking down from heaven right now, laughing at me for being so foolish? This only made the tears fall faster. Niki sat up on the edge of her bed and patted the empty space beside her.
“Tod, come here.” I was not reluctant to follow her command. I sat down on the edge of her bed, making no effort to hide the fact that I was crying. “Is that’s what’s bothering you?” She asked. “You think what you’re doing is a waste of time?” By this point, all of my church sermons and bibles studies had been tossed out the window.
“What happens if I never see her again?” I asked. “Won’t everything I did have been a waste of time?” I said.
“Tod, you know you’ll see her again. She’s in heaven now, and someday you will be too.” I stopped her again.
“I know everyone says that, but how do I know? How can I be sure that she’s in heaven? That there even is a heaven?” I really was not sure what I believed at this point. Everything was too foggy to really know anything.
“Tod, I know you’re upset, but don’t you ever let go of the fact that God keeps his promises. He’s not a liar. You know that. He wouldn’t say there was a heaven if he didn’t mean it.” She said.
I looked up. “I know. I just don’t know what to believe right now.” She put her hand on my back and started rubbing my shoulder.
“It’ll get easier, I promise.” She said. I wiped my cheek and looked up at her.
“How can you promise something like that?” I asked.
“Faith.” She said. “Plus, I’m your sister. I know everything, remember?” She giggled. I couldn’t help but laugh along.
“You wish.” I said. She laughed.
“Well, I did my research on this one, trust me.” She patted my shoulder. “You okay?” She said.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said. “Gosh, Niki, why do you have to be so sentimental all the time?” I joked. She hit me in the back of the head softly.
“Because you come in my room crying and saying your life is a waste of time. What am I supposed to do?” I had to admit her comeback good.
“Fine. I just leave you and your stupid comebacks alone then.” I said, getting off the bed and heading for the door. I turned around. “And…uh…thanks.”
“No problem.” She said, smiling. I went out the door and shut it behind me, suddenly feeling as though I could do anything.