For Now~Milly Callum

For Now


I looked down into the box and smiled. My sister was safe. I sat the box down on my bedside table and ran down the stairs. When I got out of the door, I tried, for the first time, to fly. As soon as I lifted off the ground, I felt a wonderful sensation that only floating on air can bring. I looked down and was amazed to see the ground slipping further and further away from me. I could hear my wings beating, but they were not at all hard to move, as I had expected.
I got to the throne of God in a much shorter time then I usually did, but I still preferred the slow, comfortable walk over the sensation of flying. It was like comparing swimming, to walking. No comparison could be made. You would want to walk some places and swim others. But I still enjoyed the feel of warm sand on my feet when I landed.
I ran to God and threw my arms around his neck. “Thank you.” I said. “I know you’ll keep them safe.” He ran his hand over my hair in a comforting way.
“Yes, they will be safe. I will be with them.” He said, stroking my back as I held onto his shoulders. “I have never left their side.”
I held him tighter. I could almost feel him holding me together like glue; like everything I had every wanted, and everything I had ever needed, but nothing I hadn’t.
“Good times are coming and bad times are coming and through it all I will be with them.” I pulled away from him until I could see his face.
“What do you mean ‘bad times’?” I asked. I didn’t understand what he meant, but I knew he wouldn’t be telling me unless it was important.
“There is suffering on earth between your friends. You know this. They are sad because they think that they have lost you. I am with them, but if they do not trust in me, I can do nothing.” He said. I was almost to the point of tears. I could not imagine my friends suffering more than they already had.
“Haven’t they suffered enough because of me?” I asked. “Can’t you help them?” It felt strange to be questioning what God was saying, but he stayed calm.
“I’ve told you, if they do not trust me, I can do nothing.” I didn’t believe what I was hearing, even given the lips the words were coming from.
“But they have the strongest faith of anyone I know. How could they not trust you?” I asked.
“Sometimes in the hardest of times, their human faith is not enough.” He explained. “You can remember those times, I’m sure. The times when you wanted to desperately to trust in me, but couldn’t find the strength to even trust in yourself.” I nodded and tilted my head down. I knew exactly what he meant. I had spent about three years of my life like that. I couldn’t trust anyone, including myself, so I hid from everyone. That was when I had first come to the church. I hadn’t known anyone. For about two years, all I did was hide in the shadows convinced I didn’t need anyone but my sisters and my God. He had always come through for me before and I didn’t see any reason he would let me down now.
But I prayed. I begged. I pleaded with Him to do something, anything. Nothing seemed to get better. My dad got more and more violent. Lisa turned into someone I could hardly recognize anymore. My mom experienced fear I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, ever. Then I met Tod. I remembered the night I realized that he was one of the people I needed in my life. I went home that night feeling like I could do anything. But my family was having a rough week and I started sink right back into what I had lived with for the past three years. Then I saw Tod again on Wednesday night, and it happened all over again. It was like nothing had changed between us. My life had some ups and some downs, and I went from on top of the world to rock bottom and back again. The low points taught me lessons, and the high points kept me sane. All because of Tod Belle. It was then that I asked a question I hadn’t really given much thought to.
“Why did you send me Tod?” I asked. “I didn’t deserve someone like him. I didn’t deserve him.” I looked up so that I could see his expression. It was caring and almost sympathetic.
“Because you needed him.” He said simply. “He was the only thing that kept your faith,” He paused. “And your life.” I thought about this claim.
“But don’t you hold my life in the palm of your hand. How could Tod have kept it?” I asked, confused.
“I hold your eternal life. Tod kept your from going through with what you’d planned that January.” I didn’t need any explanation of that. I remembered that January. I had been so scared. I had given up hope, and I was about to give up my life. But things changed when I met Tod, that was for certain. He had changed my life for the better every day I saw him. He had taken me from where I was in January to my last night with him. I took just a moment to remember that night.

It was a Wednesday night and we were late, as usual. When I got into the youth room, Tod was already there waiting for me.
“Hey Milly!” He said excitedly as I entered the youth room. “Wanna play some ping-pong?” He asked, already handing me the paddle.
“Sure.” I said, taking the paddle in my hand. We walked over to the ping-pong table where Ali and Niki were already standing, talking about\a book or something. He hit the ping-pong ball first and I hit it back. We kept up a steady stream of conversation as we played.
“So, are you going to the Williams’ house Saturday for the movie night?” He asked, hitting the ball at an angle where it nearly hit me in the head. I blocked it with my paddle.
“Yeah, are you?” I asked. I hit the ball and it bounced off of the table. Tod bent over to pick it up and continued the game.
“Yep. I heard we’re watching “The Princess Bride.” That’s such a girly movie. There aren’t any exploding cars.” He said, laughing and managing to hit the ball so that it smacked me on the head. “DOUBLE POINTS!” He yelled loudly, picking up the ball from where it had landed. I laughed with him.

The scene faded and I realized that I was once again standing in front of God, and Tod was nowhere near me. He was back on earth with the rest of my friends. I suddenly remembered what God had said about them.
“Is there any way I can stop their suffering?” I asked. “Is their anything I can do to help them?”
“It is not what you can do now, but what you did then.” He said. “Do you believe the love you gave them on earth will be enough until you see them again?” He asked. It was a simple question, but I couldn’t formulate an answer. It was then that I realized what he wanted me to say.
“It’s not the love I gave them that they need right now. It’s the love I keep giving them.” He smiled.
“That is true on earth, but not here. Once you are here, the love you gave them is all they have from you. You can give them nothing more than what you already have. Do you understand?” I understood. The love I gave them would have to be enough. For now.