Strength Alone
I turned over uncomfortably in my bed, and stared at the ceiling. It held my place in the book I was holding with my finger. I had been trying in vain for the past hour and a half to occupy myself with the fourth chapter of the book. I had failed miserably.
I tilted my head back until it seemed as though everything in my room had been turned upside-down. I slowly read the titles of each of the books of my bookshelf. Among them were “Searching for Eternity”, “Taking a Chance”, and “Just Ask.” I brought the book I was holding up so that it was in front of my face and I could clearly read the title.
“Grace in Thine Eyes.” I read aloud. I sighed. “I’m never going to finish this.” Although there was no noise, I couldn’t seem to focus my brain on just one thing. There seemed as though there was one unidentifiable thought ricocheting off of the walls of my brain, disrupting all of my remaining thoughts.
I lifted myself grudgingly off of my bed and went out my door and down the steps. Tod was out in the woods, where he spent most of his time, and the rest of my family was grocery shopping.
I sat down at the computer and brought up my internet browser. My homepage loaded slowly and one headline on the main page caught my eye.
“Teenage girl dies in horrific car crash.” I whispered. I blinked once. I blinked again. The tears didn’t stop. One tear rolled down my face…then another. They were coming like rain one after the other. I knew it could not be Milly, but it hurt just the same. I thought about the girl in the accident. She could have been someone’s friend, someone’s sister, someone’s daughter. And now she was gone. I closed the internet brower, erasing the blue words that conveyed such horrible news. My mind raced over the possible circumstances of the family that had so recently lost the young girl described in the newspaper headline, but my heart stayed fixed on Milly’s memory. My heart was being torn in so many different directions that I was sure I would burst. Why was it so easy to be strong around others, when I was so weak when I was alone? How was I able to help others so willingly, if I did not even know how to help myself? I walked to the couch and flopped down on it, my eye catching something on the coffee table. I leaned forward and took the object in my hands. It was my silver necklace. Normally, I would wear it, but I must have left it on the coffee table the night before. My shaky fingers gripped the clasp and I opened it, extending the chain until the singe tear-shaped charm hung down from it, perfectly centered. I moved my hands to the back of my neck, putting the two ends together and clicking the clasp so that it would hold. I ran my right hand down the polished chain to the blue topaz stone. I brushed my fingers over the detailed cut of the birthstone. At least my tears had stopped. I didn’t know where they had come from.
I jumped as my cell phone rang in my pocket. Cool it, Niki. It’s just your phone. I felt stupid for reacting like I had. I picked up the phone and put it to my ear, not bothering to check the caller ID.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Hey, Niki.” I recognized Ali’s voice as soon as it came through the phone. She sounded worried.
“What’s up, girl?”
“Niki, something’s happened to Lisa. Cassy just called me. She wanted to call you, but she didn’t have your phone number. It’s something about Lisa having a seizure.” She sped through her sentences so fast that I could just barely understand them.
“When did this happen?” I stopped to take a breath, telling myself that is was nothing serious. “Is she okay?”
“Yeah, she’s fine for now. She’s staying at Southside Regional Hospital. I was wondering if you wanted to go up there with me to visit her. I think she’d like that.” She said. I heard something in her voice. She didn’t want to see if Lisa was okay. She needed to know that she was okay. I needed to know that she was okay.
“Yeah. I think she’d love that. I’ll pick you up in about fifteen minutes, okay. Can you be ready then?” I asked her.
“Yeah. I can be ready then.” She said, repeating what I had said.
“Okay. I’ll see you then.” I said. I heard the phone click off on the other end. I shoved the phone back in my pocket and got up off the couch. I ran up the stairs to my room. When I got there, I dug through my drawers until I found the shirt that I had worn to our church talent show that past year. I smiled as I slipped the soft fabric over my arms. It fit me well, and it made me feel like I could do anything. I took a piece of scrap paper off of my desk and scribble a short note on it. I left it on the kitchen table where my parents would find it. I headed toward the door with my jacket wrapped around my waist in case I needed it.
I grabbed my purse and my keys off of the stool by the door and headed to the car, locking the door behind me.
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