A Way Out~Ali Cummings

A Way Out

The day after I had my complete meltdown at church, I seemed to be in a worse mood than ever. I wasn’t grumpy, I just didn’t really have the emotional strength to talk. I actually gave a note that said I had lost my voice to anyone who asked why I wasn’t talking. It worked for a while. I was able to go through about three days without talking. It was when I got to church that I had problems. Not that people were forcing me to talk or anything. I just couldn’t force myself not to talk. The church was my second home. Whenever someone talked to me, I couldn’t force myself not to answer back. Especially when Niki came over to talk to me.
“How you doin’?” She asked. She looked happy, but worried at the same time. I sighed.
“I’m doing a little better. I’m still a little shaky, though.” She looked confused.
“Shaky?” I held out my hand so that she could see my fingers trembling. “Oh.” She said. “That should go away sooner or later.” She smiled, and I forced myself to do the same.
“How do you do it?” I asked suddenly. She laughed.
“How do I do…what??” She looked puzzled and amused at the same time.
“How do you act like such a big sister all the time?” I asked. It wasn’t exactly the way I had intended the question to come out, but when I heard it, it didn’t sound that bad.
“I don’t know.” She said. “I’ve just got lots of experience, I guess.” She smiled. “And you make it hard not to. You’re like the little sister I never had.” She giggled.
“But you have little sisters…two of them.” I said. She laughed again.
“Yeah, but you’re like the little sister I never had.” She said. I joined her in laughing this time.
“Yes,” I said sarcastically. “Not as…biological.” She laughed.
“Exactly!” She said, still laughing. She looked up. Joe was standing in the front of the class, handing pens to anyone that needed something to write with. We found two chairs next to each other and sat down.
I slipped over the stool and grabbed two worksheets. When I got back to my chair, I handed one worksheet to Niki and pulled a pencil out of my purse. Niki took a pen out of her Bible case. Joe started talking, but I was soon lost in thought again. I didn’t really try to focus on the lesson, so I didn’t get barely any of the information down onto the paper.
I didn’t mentally return to the class until I heard Joe call my name out loud. When I looked up, I realized he was not addressing me, but assigning me to a group. Luckily, I heard him call out the group after us, so I knew which group I was working with. He had assigned us with numbers and I was in group two. Each group had a different work area. Group two’s work space was the library.
When we got to the library, almost everyone took a seat on the floor, leaving the chairs untouched. Everyone who had worked in the library before knew that stretching out on the floor was much more comfortable than being confined to a chair, even a cushioned one, as the ones in the library were. I pulled a book off of the shelf to press against and laid my paper on top of it. I could tell what verse I needed to look up, by glancing at the top of the page. I knew the worksheet layout well enough to at least pretend I had been listening. I heard the sound of thin paper rustling as everyone else turned in their bibles to the verse.
I had to admit I had gotten some of the smarter people in my group. There was James and Becca. They were basically brother and sister. They teased each other all the time and took each others stuff, including hats, purses, and, on rare occasion, cars. Then there was Nichole, the one who had saved me last Sunday, and there was Danny. He goofed of most of the time, but he could be really serious if you needed him to be. I looked back down at my bible. Our verses to look up were Romans 3:23 and Romans 6:23. Nichole started reading the passage from her Bible.
“Romans 3:23. For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.” She read. She flipped in her bible to the next page and began to read the next verse. “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” She looked up. “What does that mean to you guys?” She asked.
I tentatively raised my hand. “I think it means that, even though no one is perfect according to God’s standards, he wants to be with us so much that he paid the price for us to be with him, even if that meant sending his own son to die for us. That way, when we except him as our savior, we get to live with him forever.” I bit my lip. I wasn’t worried that I had gotten something wrong, but it just reminded me so much of Milly.
James nodded. He had never had a really close relationship with Milly, but he had known her for five years and his younger sisters had been her friends. I looked down at my paper and filled in the answer. Nichole looked at the next question on our paper. She started reading it aloud.
“How do you think we can apply this to our lives?” She asked. I knew she was reading the question directly from her worksheet, but her voice had something, a sort of genuineness to it. Everyone looked down at the floor. This time, I didn’t even bother to raise my hand.
“I think we should just be thankful for it and give him praise that he paid the price for us so that we can be with him.” My voice faltered. “Because we need him.” I finished. Everyone except for Nichole was looking at me. She continued to stare at the floor. She picked up her pen and started writing the answer on her paper. Everyone else followed her example. Niki opened the door of the library.
“Are you guys done with your questions?” She asked. Nichole answered that we had, and Niki started to lead us back to the classroom. She turned back to look at me. “You coming?” She said.
“You guys go ahead. I’ll be in there in a minute. I, uh, have to take care of something.” I said.
“You sure?” She asked. Her expression showed concern and understanding.
“Yeah.” I said. “I just be a minute.” I said. She nodded and closed the door, returning to the classroom. I was once again alone in the library. The emptiness was pressing against me, barely giving me room to breath. The air felt as though it had been thickened to the consistency of cake icing, and my palms were sweating.
I walked quickly and silently, telling myself I just needed fresh air. After making sure no one was in the hallway, I slipped out the back door and ran to the pavilion. At that point, I didn’t care about the class I was missing. I just needed out.