Rest~Lisa Callum

Rest


I spent the rest of the day just laying in my bed. I didn’t even have the strength to play the piano anymore. I was jaded. I was just too exhausted to do anything. Cassy stayed in my room and talked to me for a little while before I drifted to sleep.
The first think I remember when I woke up was my mom sitting beside my bed crying. I looked up at her, but she didn’t face me.
“Mom, what’s wrong? What happened?” I asked, trying to hide the roughness that remained in my voice. She looked over at me.
“I’m so sorry, Lisa. I didn’t know he was going to hurt you. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I should’ve stood up to him when he came in the house.” I was shocked.
“You didn’t invite him?” I asked. She shook her head and looked down at the floor.
“Lisa, I should’ve stopped him. I didn’t want him to get anywhere near you. I just-” She stopped and a sob made her shoulders shake. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to comfort her.
“No. None of this is your fault. There was no way you could’ve known what he’d do.” She shook her head.
“But I did, Lisa. I didn’t have to know exactly he’d do. I know him.” She protested. “I should have stopped him.” She sat silent for the longest time. Finally she spoke. “I know how he hurt you, Lisa.” I turned to look at her, shocked. Tears were steadily filling my eyes.
“How?” I whispered. If I had been close to fainting any time before now, I would surely collapse now. But I steadied myself. I needed to know.
“I knew he was sneaking out of the bed at night and going to your room. Then the morning after, you always had this terrified look on your face.” She took a shaky breath. “It killed me inside, but…but I was scared. I didn’t know what I could do to help you.” She put her face in her hands so that when she spoke, it was barely audible, even though I was sitting right next to her. “You were so young.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to burden her any more by telling her how much he’d hurt me. But I didn’t know just how long I could keep it inside either.
“He hurt me so bad. I didn’t want to grow up that fast. I didn’t want it.” I said, letting myself fall into her comforting arms.
“Oh Lisa,” She said. “You don’t have to be scared anymore. He can’t touch you.” I pulled away.
“What do you mean? He can come in here any time he wants. You saw that today.” I said.
“Lisa, I’m getting a restraining order.” She said it so matter-of-factly that it scared me. She sounded serious, and she wasn’t one to joke at a time like this.
“You are?” I asked. She nodded.
“I don’t want him anywhere near us, Lisa. This way, he won’t be. We won’t have to worry about him anymore.” I tried to imagine a world where I wouldn’t have to be afraid of my own father. I threw my arms around my mother’s neck.
“Thank you.” I whispered in her ear. She patted me on the back and we just sat the for the longest time, me in her arms and her holding me tightly and letting me forget everything about my past. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I had hope for the future.